Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Array of Disarraydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 896



    Description:
       I think of this fresh, unedited piece as my canvas to which I ravished in random outbursts of paint. Enjoy. Comment. Flea. Thanks for looking.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArray of Disarraydots
    -------------------------------------------


    A lingering perception
    of a reality stuck in pause
    --is this art
    or are we just awakening
    from a cliché dream
    with petty morals
    and the safe chance to try again.

    We shouldn't have to start over
    in something so simply stated
    to love is to triumph over elongated cycles
    of not knowing yourself
    as proof to the universal factor.

    All is one or are we all individually together
    stored in a safe house of an imaginative world.
    I drink just enough to call myself sober;
    you smoke until life is a complex revolution
    of disarray and anonymity, like what our children sing about
    between the lines of a note never sung
    or after the breath that didn't make it.

    What if the world was flat?

    And what if it never stopped raining.




    Submitted on 2007-10-07 23:14:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If the world was flat and it never stopped raining then whatever was under the world would be a very, very, very dry place.

    It picks up toward the end, but I'm not sure why. It must be some kind of "polish" that I'm picking up on...I know that's horribly vague, but...

    Well you know I've never really been good at critiquing.

    Actually it's the second stanza that lags.

    I am not sure how to fix it.

    Hmm this is not helpful at all....

    Thanks for sharing, at least.
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150764

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry