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    dots Submission Name: Array of Disarraydots

    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 896

       I think of this fresh, unedited piece as my canvas to which I ravished in random outbursts of paint. Enjoy. Comment. Flea. Thanks for looking.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArray of Disarraydots

    A lingering perception
    of a reality stuck in pause
    --is this art
    or are we just awakening
    from a cliché dream
    with petty morals
    and the safe chance to try again.

    We shouldn't have to start over
    in something so simply stated
    to love is to triumph over elongated cycles
    of not knowing yourself
    as proof to the universal factor.

    All is one or are we all individually together
    stored in a safe house of an imaginative world.
    I drink just enough to call myself sober;
    you smoke until life is a complex revolution
    of disarray and anonymity, like what our children sing about
    between the lines of a note never sung
    or after the breath that didn't make it.

    What if the world was flat?

    And what if it never stopped raining.

    Submitted on 2007-10-07 23:14:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      If the world was flat and it never stopped raining then whatever was under the world would be a very, very, very dry place.

    It picks up toward the end, but I'm not sure why. It must be some kind of "polish" that I'm picking up on...I know that's horribly vague, but...

    Well you know I've never really been good at critiquing.

    Actually it's the second stanza that lags.

    I am not sure how to fix it.

    Hmm this is not helpful at all....

    Thanks for sharing, at least.
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]

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