Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Array of Disarraydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 896



    Description:
       I think of this fresh, unedited piece as my canvas to which I ravished in random outbursts of paint. Enjoy. Comment. Flea. Thanks for looking.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsArray of Disarraydots
    -------------------------------------------


    A lingering perception
    of a reality stuck in pause
    --is this art
    or are we just awakening
    from a cliché dream
    with petty morals
    and the safe chance to try again.

    We shouldn't have to start over
    in something so simply stated
    to love is to triumph over elongated cycles
    of not knowing yourself
    as proof to the universal factor.

    All is one or are we all individually together
    stored in a safe house of an imaginative world.
    I drink just enough to call myself sober;
    you smoke until life is a complex revolution
    of disarray and anonymity, like what our children sing about
    between the lines of a note never sung
    or after the breath that didn't make it.

    What if the world was flat?

    And what if it never stopped raining.




    Submitted on 2007-10-07 23:14:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If the world was flat and it never stopped raining then whatever was under the world would be a very, very, very dry place.

    It picks up toward the end, but I'm not sure why. It must be some kind of "polish" that I'm picking up on...I know that's horribly vague, but...

    Well you know I've never really been good at critiquing.

    Actually it's the second stanza that lags.

    I am not sure how to fix it.

    Hmm this is not helpful at all....

    Thanks for sharing, at least.
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150764

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry