Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Nightwalker


Author: crimson echo
ASL Info:    21 M U.S. of A
Elite Ratio:    8 - 412 /150 /55
Words: 233
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1562
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1399



Description:


Odd how much thinking you can manage on a five minute walk after dark.


Nightwalker



One step begets another, and perhaps before I know
my eyes turn toward the heavens, where once Your stars were sown.
But now ethereal blackness that empyrean silence folds
chased away by tongues of fire in a battered peasant’s hold.

And the lights, like mortal monarchs—they chase upon the hills
and bathe these paths of men in light, cast glory on the mills.
The streams rush by with eager breath, and this brings them ablaze—
yet little know these mere, fond lights to count away their days.

I see these walls above me, laughing loud and not a tear;
and perhaps a quiet thought that, once, those dreaded skies were near.
These emblems blaze the wit of man, and blaze it to the night:
now little wonder can I bring who put the stars to flight.

Who are we, that brandish fire to strike the heavens out?
Who are we, but Earthan fleas, though grand we waltz about?
Image this, my tired friend; now fix it in your mind:
who are we, that pitch the fruit, and gladly praise the rind?

See the lights like mortal monarchs chase upon the hills
and bathe these human paths in light, cast glory on the mills.
What emblems blaze the wit of man? What cries it to the night?
What becomes of those who dare to put the stars to flight?




Submitted on 2007-10-09 21:16:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  wicked kool poem. we are so small, theres so much we dont know ,so much we cant comprehend..

"Who are we, but Earthan fleas, though grand we waltz about?"

love that.

rip n rot
grim
| Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  Another brilliant piece by you, with a genius satire of man's greed, insensitivity, and reckless disregard for nature and reality!

This stanza is stunning and flawless:

"Who are we, that brandish fire to strike the heavens out?
Who are we, but Earthan fleas, though grand we waltz about?
Image this, my tired friend; now fix it in your mind:
who are we, that pitch the fruit, and gladly praise the rind?"



| Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  Sometimes I just love to stare at the night sky. It's like watching a movie somehow.

Your poem had a nice 1800s feel to it. It as if William Blake or T.S. Eliot had written it. You really know how to speak classical, don't you?That's a good skill to know.

Yes, who are we to think that we are great. Man is weak and imperfect. When men look up at the night sky, they should realize that it is God who is superior and who created all things.

I like the writing style you used and the principled message contained within. Excellent job, crimson
echo
echo
echo
| Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
  See the lights like mortal monarchs chase upon the hills


this is a wonderful image and i appreciate its repetition because it reinforces the image beautifully... i wasnt sure id read it right the first time and then to read it a second cemented the beauty in my mind.

night time is the best time to go walking.
darkness envelopes life and almost pauses it in some ways and relaxation of body and mind takes place while walking.
i live near the beach and when im restless and cannot sleep i walk to the beach if i have the energy and just sit there, in the darkness kissing the stars and contemplating.

you have some very deep thoughts here that i believe you have explored well in this piece. your rhyme is very well done. im not one for rhyme usually but i really enjoyed it in this piece, perhaps because i didnt notice it until the second read.

well done. i enjoyed this.
| Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  the sky can be a beautiful thing to behold and a few breaths of fresh night air in the shade of the streetlamp can provoke some of the deepest musings of Man.

For [yes I know I sound like a broken record here] a metre of your calibre, I'm absolutely shocked to stumble on the sentences.

First stanza: "towards" one too many syllables.
Second stanza: the stream line is off.
Third stanza: Remove the punctuation on the second line unless you want a pause there, it's distracting, and that's also off. Also "BLAZE" TWICE IN THE SAME SENTENCE!
Last stanza: I don't believe this. Your ending is not as brilliant as I encapsulated. Ah well, it wasn't a universal truth, s'not like the fabric of reality is going to tear or anything. -whistles innocently ignoring large chunks of the sky falling down-

Once that's done, what's going on in your head?. These are strange images I'm seeing, and strangely not another inner sense is evoked. That's not like your normal style of writing, just to focus on one thing, but I like it anyhow, it invites deeper inspection and thorough examination rather than just superficialities of imagery [-koffMEkoff-].

yet little know these mere, fond lights to count away their days.

Cheers~
Zurie.
| Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  Incredible! Truly remarkable. A five minute walk in the dark. I must say I like the workings of your mind. And I loved the part in the fourth; pitch the fruit, praise the rind. Man truly has become an arrogant race. Waltzing about, proud of their own accomplishments. I wish more people would spend five minutes under the night sky in silent contemplation. Maybe that would humble them bit.

As for the overall assessment, I find it to be a wonderfully written poem. Natural flow, I personally like the rhymes, able to invoke powerful emotions in the reader. I'm running out of ways that I could further praise this poem. So, I'll shut up and let some one else do it.

The Bird
| Posted on 2007-10-09 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



150871