[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Percievedots

    Author: Jakirina
    ASL Info:    19/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 216/200/80
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1207

       So I had to write this one base on a quote...In all truth I think it marginally matches, but I think it adds a good supplement to my meaning within the poem itself. But whatever, I want to hear what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    “Dark and light, bad and good, are not different but one and the same.”

    Within a stare
    all is color and state.

    You might see
    tranquil sky waters in spring.

    A rolling wave
    after a pleasant disturbance.

    A froth and spittle
    ominous within swirling gloom.

    Clouds frightened by
    hidden clashes and flirting lights.

    Leaves cowering before
    gusts of screams and heavy with stinging dew.

    Splitting bark giving way
    to penetrating words with termite heads.

    Twisting roots twitching
    with every blow of dirty acrid rain.

    Fallen wailing seeds cracked
    and withering upon blind apathetic stones.

    Unpolished and crumbling
    geodes scattered amongst dead cackling twigs.

    Fevering creaking brambles
    parched for desire and trailing hairs of skin.

    Or nothing
    pining away at pits and cores.

    You might see
    your reflection within a speck or an entirety.

    Because you know
    you’ve felt it all before.

    Submitted on 2007-10-10 14:24:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The poem doesn't exactly match the quote, but they do work well together. Someone can see beauty or good in dark or dire circumstances. In that way I can agree with the quote, and also in that way, I believe your poem is a good representation. I do believe you could do more with the poem. Only one thing comes to mind. It needs a spash of color I believe.
    I do like the poem as is. I enjoy your style.

    | Posted on 2007-10-11 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Giving written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Linger written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]