I promise (mommy and daddy!!!) -------------------------------------------
take a deep breath
and choose love or death
for which i cant decide
it all depends on you
i'm nothing like what you read
i dont need someone telling me what i should be
i dont need the pills to make me go into a fantasy
(i'm nothing like what you read)
no matter how much you reasearch
you'll never understand
that all i need from you.....
is to let me know that you'll be there for me
so for which......
i promise to you that i'll make you proud
i promise to you that i'll never make you scream loud
i promise to you that this razor will never drag along this skin
i promise to you that i will never act like i have been
all of my mistakes i've done
i wish they would all be gone
but now i promise to you
that you came to my rescue.
This is very touching. I love this compromise - "I'll make you happy that I'm your child, as long as you promise to always care for me." This is what I got from this poem. I really hope that was your goal in this piece, otherwise I am completely lost.
All I have in the problems department is the grammatical things and one confusing section, so I'll bring both of those up.
1.) The last stanza confuses me greatly.
"but now i promise to you
that you came to my rescue."
I'm dangling here - can you finish the sentence? Right now you have a big-time fragment, and this poem is really missing that conclusion that it desperately needs.
2.) You used 1 (one) end-of-sentence (ellipses do not count) punctuation. Unless this was a piece of work that you came up with and did not have the time to edit, it would be really great to have some punctuation. It makes your work pretty :).
3.) Please...capitalize your I's as well as the places (like in the title) that need it as well. There are too many instances to single out just one, so I'll let you decide what needs what.
Line 3: "cant" needs an apostrophe or made into "am unable" or "cannot"
Line 9: "reasearch" is spelt "research"
Criticism aside, I liked this piece. The compromise that is brought up here is one that should be done by all parents and, quite frankly, it is not that difficult to accomplish. Thank you for showing that to me and thank you for writing this piece. I hope that you will continue to write.
It's nice to no that your parents will be parents and will be there for you. Sometimes it's hard for them to even see that something is wrong. They don't realize how badly you need them. It's a very good write and one I can relate to. Good job. ^-^ I hope to read more of your awesome work soon