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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lone Crusaderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 617



    Description:
       As "nomad knight" suggests, I am somewhat of a romantic when it comes to chivalry, love, and what it means to be noble. This is mainly what i refer to with "ideals" and "beliefs."

    I wrote this up during the beginning of my english class so touch ups may be needed. Any feed back or comments you care to leave would be appreciated.



    The title of this poem is actually the screen name (excludeing the numbers in it) of a dear friend of mine who, like his sn suggests, once shared simular beliefs. however, he no longer really holds such beliefs anymore and his sn is now simply a reminder of who he once was.

    this isn't about just him though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLone Crusaderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am a dying breed
    An anachronism in a world changed
    the ideals I hold and need
    Are not held by those not aged

    Of what I'm now aware
    I can no longer deny
    I see it everywhere
    I wonder if i live a lie

    Shared morals of those I've known
    Have faded away as they've grown old
    I've come to find myself riding alone
    Sadness grows on my heart like mold

    The modern world is the thief
    But I can't change or let go
    I think the death of my beliefs
    Will be the death of my soul




    Submitted on 2007-10-11 03:09:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is great. I loved your metaphors the most.
    "Sadness grows on a heart like mold'
    "the modern world is a thief"

    I especially liked the last stanza-
    "The modern world is a thief
    but I can't change or let go
    I think the death of my beliefs
    will be the death of my soul."

    Great write.
    dancerofwords
    | Posted on 2007-12-22 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it. Saying that the modern world is thief was just awesome!!!! I was speechless when I read that line, which my the way adamantly echoes my current frame of mind in a sort of strange way. Additionally, I must say that I also feel as if I were an anachronism in this weird and callous world which is precisely the main idea of one of my latest writes. That's why I can say that I relate to many of the issues you have raised within your piece.

    As for stanza 3, I spotted how you might be referring to the way your own family, friends or dear ones have let you down and now you are alone in a fake world. Gosh, everything you say is so touching and moving.... One of the best features of this write is the careful and effective choice of words that can also be referred to as being sharp.


    With regards to critiques, I have a couple that could serve the betterment of this write, to put that way. For starter, you might consider modifying or neglecting the last two words in stanza one which sound rather awkward to me.

    A second suggestion would be to add some punctuation which is always a must so the reader can breathe as they go through each line. Visual pauses are always needed, to my mind.

    And the last thing I'd like to recommend would be to add the word “indeed” at the very end of your piece so as to make even shaper and more telling.

    "Will be the death of my soul indeed"

    All in all, those are mere suggestions and is up to you to take the in or not.


    I really liked reading your poem; it's certainly one of a kind.


    Keep up the great work!

    Warm regards,

    Ethan.

    | Posted on 2007-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    150941

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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