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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark Pathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Saidin
    ASL Info:    16/M/BJ
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 11/19/17
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1713



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark Pathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk a path of
    mud and sludge
    within the lurid cloak of night.
    Dim red lanterns upon the eaves,
    the smell of blood and sweat and lust.
    Feathered heads and gaping mouths,
    neon pink and brackish brown,
    forever dancing in the street,
    of prancing donkeys with heads of geese.
    I wander to a glowing light,
    perchance some sanctuary amidst this sin.

    Leather cracks, and I am bound,
    by vulpine claws around the hip.
    I turn to a see a face in two,
    split by halves of shadow and light.
    Under sun her eyes are soft,
    though sparkles escape the innocent veil.
    Her mouth is twisted to a pout,
    half of sorrow, half of delight.
    Beneath the moon, her face transforms,
    a grotesque visage
    of the succubus,
    with a horn protruding from the head,
    deep set eyes of a bloody red,
    her tongue comes forth, as if to strike,
    but tickles the face,
    with its fork.

    “Begone you slanderer, splitters of lies!”
    An aged man cries, beneath the light.
    The grasp is lifted, and the woman turns,
    her pout had melted to a nasty smile,
    the human mask to a devils’ face.

    A silent gust blows from behind,
    I turn to see the old man gone
    a crouching demon in his place.
    “Time to shed the cover of lies,
    the shining light that blinds the Eye and
    let the blackness reveal the
    Truth.”

    Pop and fizzle: the light is gone,
    and naught is seen but the candles’ glow.
    I take a step, but there is no foot,
    instead a hoof steps on the path.




    Submitted on 2007-10-11 07:36:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this because the person , as the old man , has finally realised that he is a demon.
    Good write.
    | Posted on 2007-11-24 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I’m sure some people will love to have your imagination, very vivid images. I got the feeling walking in an unknown forest where even the trees are watching.

    I thought it was cool, i liked the ending :)
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty spooky and just in time for Halloween too. Do you have such a thing in China? Well written for someone your age, so the school thing is working well.

    There's a good variety of words providing the "color" and atmosphere for your story. The only thing I might mention is that the rhythm in some places seems a bit like finding a longer step than expected on a stairwell, just enough to put one off from what might have been expected.

    Perhaps the image/feeling of walking in sludge is still working. Perhaps it needs some verbal caffeine somewhere to make it more crisp?

    Hoof, nice surprise at the ending. Did you ever notice the "bad guy" always smiles?
    | Posted on 2007-10-11 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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