Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leaning towerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 353
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2239



    Description:
       just read it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeaning towerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stand a leaning tower
    Only the rope around my neck holds me back
    Swaying as a bouey on a
    Rickety stool

    I think in memories regret
    As only the ties get tighter knotts in my chest
    A face fades back to hair
    Features disappear in saddened dispair
    I long to know who and what they have become, and where they are
    I keep turing back to a dusty page
    Laying back myself the binding
    Let the page fall in place
    A four fold friendship
    It fades
    I am a sandy shore those there
    are the waves
    only in my memory
    does the tide come rolling in

    I stand a leaning tower
    only the rope around my neck holds me in tact
    Leaning in to kiss the carpet
    Is life still worth it to snap back

    Laughter rings in my earsas i stand in fromt
    of a mirror
    i step closer and raise my arm
    i can't imagine let alone pretend
    to see my figure
    only an accordian of fat
    The only memory easy to picture

    I stand a leaning tower
    only the rope keeps me from falling
    if i kick i'll swing
    but for some reason i keep stalling

    Pause stop rewind
    take a feel inside my mind
    hole the pencil in our hand
    create, draw some lines, go ahead
    wear the untainted smile
    Acomplish a task of warm hearted butterflies
    for a little while
    keep walking in the warmth and into
    The ice cold blade piercing the gooseflesh
    And tearing straight thought the chest
    It wasn't good...enough
    the slinky has stopped
    midway

    i stand a leaning tower
    only the rope around my neck holds me back
    The cataclysm fall to end it all
    Is not the fear but antisipation
    but still
    Should i kick the stool from my feet
    and become God's broken toy
    Is it worth to take the rope off
    ANd just play his game some more
    will my suffocating weight broke the
    rope that holds me back
    or the stool unserneathe my feet
    it's up to you God
    which one will crack?




    Submitted on 2007-10-11 22:31:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      An interesting anology you have here. But, I find, despite the analogy, this poem is very depressing. A long while ago I felt so depressed that I wished I could kill myself. But I never did anything, not even a thing. Eventually I got over it.

    Are you depressed? Does this come from within yourself, or is it just a projection of an idea? I hope, for your sake, that it is the latter.

    This poem is alright. A little sketchy and clichéd in parts, but overall pretty good. I think you should go through this again and enhance it somehow.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150978

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry