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wont fit

Author: love gone wrong
ASL Info:    27/m/colorado
Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 337 /381 /42
Words: 143
Class/Type: Poetry /Angry
Total Views: 1674
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 926


to hell with not using first person. im gonna be uneducated and selfish! Lol. please comment. criticism is always welcome

wont fit

Just a matter of good timing?
lie to your family, lie to your friends
but dont lie to yourself
your loves been on the shelf
collecting dust for years past
waiting for someone that talks fast
you want to make thing right?
no, you want to blind me, take my sight
what do you want me to say?
to come home and stay
that i forgive you, its allright?
acceptance is not forgiveness
I may accept the hand i was dealt,
but ill never forgive the pain ive felt
I'll never forgive your lack of grace
I'll never forgive your leaving in haste
I drown daily in torrents of emotion
swallowing pain from your lack of devotion
washed up on the shores of insanity
coughing up mouthfuls of calamity
you leave me alone and writhing
because it's.....
just a matter of good timing

Submitted on 2004-02-04 17:36:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Great imagery... deep emotion... about four lines in, this really made me think about when my dad split when I was about 5-6... very touching, great sculpture of emotion... 'shores of insanity' - Priceless.... keep it up you are a great writer... this is just my style
| Posted on 2004-03-05 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
  Oooh! Deep emotions - amazing flow of words. Fantastically well written.
| Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like the line.. "coughing up mouthfuls of calamity". Great imagery. I also like how the first and last lines are mirrored. Kind of cool.
| Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]
  Oooooh, shivers! (And thanks for the 1st person! Keep it up!) Great R&R. "good timing?" Is that what she said? Lord above, she MUST be blonde! That's even worse than "it's not you, it's me"!
What I really love about this is how it sort of... accelerates. Like a bull pawing at the ground, then charging. And then it just... stops. And the sarcasm/resignation is evident. "just a matter of good timing." Well written, my friend. <><
| Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
  Oooooh! Your anger writing is so delicious! , [censored] censorship and also- [censored] first person. I'll be damned if i'll be doing anything but first person, otherwise people will be complaining about what a big bowl of suck my writing is.
| Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice! I liked
" I may accept the hand i was dealt,
but ill never forgive the pain ive felt
I'll never forgive your lack of grace
I'll never forgive your leaving in haste"

That was kind of the heart of the matter, and overall with rhyme and some fitting imagery, it really works. Silver
| Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]

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