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    dots Submission Name: Red Vine Magicdots

    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 503
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2654

       For you. A new piece of me that does not belong to you, but I dedicate to you nonetheless.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRed Vine Magicdots

    I got the itch for your flavor on the tip of my tongue today. The way you used to taste to me, like the really good ice cream you made yourself on a two by two pink marble slab. I still recall the surprises of tangy and sweet served up in a bowl, deep and staining, melting into every empty space within my senses, filling me ... and in the impossible October heat building in my body, I got the itch for it.

    You have been gone for six months. TV wisdom and well intentioned parties say mourning a dead relationship has a pattern, a life cycle. Half the time you were ridiculously happy, you must be miserable. This painful right of passage seems too steep a price to pay just so I can grow addicted to other sights and sounds of a world flat and brand new. A planet of elements once again mine to go spinning around a moon that has survived to go on After You.

    There may as well be steps, like grief. Though what I feel isn't grief, but a hunger for a taste too penetrating and unfamiliar for me now to place ... but stubborn like you are, the taste lingers. Lingers like sunshine on beloved skin that spent a Tuesday in April frolicking ill advisedly the beach front on the South Carolina shore.

    So there are Red Vines in a shopping bag, the blue striped packaging friendly and familiar like you no longer are. There's satisfaction in the confection where there has only been disappointment in every smile glad to see me that isn't yours. Your flavor relinquishes it's well broken in seat for mere moments, and too soon the vine is gone. Gone to hit the emptier bottom of my insides that crave your magic. Long for any magic left in the world you're not a part of anymore.

    There have been many friendly packages steadily emptied in my misery. Kind faces, unsatisfying stranger's kisses, one flavor store bought ice cream that doesn't satiate. Plenty of well intentioned somethings that do nothing to fill me. But there is hope for magic in my life as there is mystery in sea turtles finding their way back to the tiniest memory of home.

    It's seven minutes past today. It's tomorrow. The fever has passed, the hunger I surpress, the somethings I put in the trash, no longer dependent on them to fill what I know they cannot. The magic I pray I find a way to return to, the tiniest memory of home emerging from the mystery of my mind to guide my way back. The hope I nourish with an openness, a gift you gave me too precious not to make a lasting part of me as I walk to flat and new, and everything After You.

    Submitted on 2007-10-12 02:16:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is wondefully written and terribly sad, you really have the knack for prose, not question about it. Entirely too many of us can identifiy with the things you write of here... most excellent! bravo... bravo... bravo...
    | Posted on 2008-06-17 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      you astound me.

    and i'm not sure whether it's the heartbreak, or the hope within me (that i know as an artist is similarly echoed in you) that listens to this piece more.

    you had me from the description of what this piece was. i rarely gobble up each word straight after the one before it, prefer to think of myself a connesoeiur or however the eff the word is spelled.

    yet i just kept reading. and reading and reading and wanting more. and wanting to taste the damn ice cream again. i felt the lingering need, realized it's the same soft desperate one i wrote about five minutes ago and would anything for. worse than a cigarette craving.

    seven minutes past today. three weeks past what i said, at least a few months since the last breath i breathed, since being in his presence is what i find necessary to life.

    merde, i feel you. i feel you hard.
    | Posted on 2007-12-16 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      Goodness gracious, what could be more cliché than saying you've really hit the nail on the head--but that's what you do. I love your unadorned, yet still beautifully poignant explanation of the emotions involved in a break up. The tone is almost painfully nostalgic, languid and resigned.

    I really like your emphasis on the dulled longing more than the actual pain and heartbreak. There too many poems about the pain, this one was refreshing in its approach.

    I noticed how you capitalized "After You" more than once, is that because its the title of a newer chapter in your life?

    Anyway, going through a break up myself, my heart goes out to you. Great write.
    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this piece soulful and well-written. Break-ups are difficult under the best circumstances and impossible under the worst. I hope you don't lose your taste for ice cream but rather find a new flavor to savor. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know if there is a critique in the world for that piece. It was honest and vulnerable. In my world, it felt very familiar. The "itch" ... The aftermath of a relationship. The steps you had to take to live after him. I felt the strong, strong emotion behind every eloquently placed word.

    Personally, my favorite line was "but stubborn like you are, the taste lingers." ... it captured, to me, the entire point of your prose, perfectly. Another line that caught my attention was "the blue striped packaging friendly and familiar like you no longer are."

    I can't help but feel connected to this piece. It's perfectly familiar.

    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]

    I like chocolate ice cream!

    Interesting poem. At first the longing for him emerges and troubles your mind to no end, but then in the conclusion you resist the longing and move on. Was this a bad relationship? Or just one that fizzled away? I can't be too sure...there doesn't seem to be enough about the relationship to tell me what exactly it was. I would like to know.

    Prose poetry is grand. Like a piano. And you have played a new melody for us all.

    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the fact that you chose to capitalize "After You." To me, it comes across as a beautiful act desperation to convey the significance of change in a world that is populated with more change than any man could ever hold on to. To me, this gives that impression of reasonably used freedom.

    I also liked the overall construction of this piece. To me, it emits a casually graceful product; an easy going ploy of words that may not have been that easy to spit out. It also gave me the thought that being beautiful was not the primary goal of this piece; a feat which ironically makes it appealing with its raw characteristics.

    Like Jaydee, I also admire the nature of this piece. It is unafraid to be vulnerable in such a way that it ends up being untouchable.

    It is a pretty competant literary chocolate. It allows the writer to get messy yet satisfied.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      and everything After You

    essentially that is what this piece... the realisation that you have reached the once impossible to reach After You...

    you are right when you say there is some rite or steps that need to be taken at the ceasation of a relationship... its rather odd... an unspoken rule that everyone seems to adhere to whether they intend to or not...

    i have to say that i ADORE the image of the sea turtle finding its way home and the way you have woven into this piece. that is the most brilliantly apt description i have read in a very long time.

    what i like about this piece is that you are not afraid or ashamed to say that you have/had an itch... a memory and subsequent longing for a taste of what used to be your favourite...
    interestingly enough though i am sure, given the opportunity, it wouldnt be as fulfilling as you have spent the last 6 months wishing.

    its almost as if this piece is your realisation that you rarely long for him anymore.

    but i think you are also questioning the whole ritual of breaking up and why you needed to move on... why move on to the same thing but with someone else potentially?

    anyways... i know i am rambling but i am so impressed by this piece. you have bought a fresh face to heartache... im only sorry it was your heart that ached... nice to see you post my orchids girl
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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