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Island of the lost

Author: No Talent
ASL Info:    24/m/Ny
Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 263 /178 /31
Words: 223
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1278
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1283


basically its about love and the hardships it may bring hope you enjoy it if you do check out my other works and if u wanna talk bout poetry pm me or im me on aim jiggamanc694

Island of the lost

As you walked in my life..
Anger and pain followed as I lay down at night
Crying In pain as the stars became vain, I lay back and say…
“I need to get away”
“I need to get away”
I need to get back tonight, I need to get back
My moment stolen tonight, as I walk to the light
I look to the night, I need to get away…
I need to get away!
Here on this island
Here where I can grow
Here where the flowers grow …Deep down in the snow
Here where the sun melts.. All my sorrows
Here I can lose you…Deep in the snow..
And I still can’t tell you
Causes I still need you, to grow inside
Deep down in me
Deep down in the snow
While I lay back here, as tears shimmer down my face
Crystal tears of love? Crying from above
As you yell at me, eardrums bleeding as I lose my sanity,
I can’t take this pain I cant live this way…
I need to get away!
Here on this island
Here where I can grow
Here where the flowers grow..Deep down in the snow
Here where the sun melts..
All my sorrows
Here I can lose you… Deep in the snow..
You need to go…
You need to go…

Submitted on 2004-06-22 17:05:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  you do have alot of talent, but I truly believe that it is being showcased wrong.. you have a knack for songwriting... this piece is the second of yours that I have read.. and it is very powerful,but as a song..

it has a repitiveness... a slow build up of expectancy..
which is awesome in music... i am a singer/songwriter/producer...
take my word on it, you should polish it up a little bit, and put it to music.. get a great producer to work it for you, and your on your way...

see you at the grammys

| Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by Oracle | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this poem. It was worded nicely and how you chose to repeat lines was a smart move for this poem. I think it was neat that you described how much you wanted to get away. I felt like that a few times. This poem is something people can relate to. You had a good, powerful ending as well. Great write!
| Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
  The repetition kind of makes this seem song like...because i was humming along to this in my head. I agree with Child about the ending. The I need to go transition to You need to go...was pretty slick. i liked this one
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, I do need to go. I want to go, please take me. I want to leave my place and live on an Island of peace. Please.
Your poem feels like it everything. Yet, in a blinding kinda way. Wow.
Yes, I do need to go.
Thanks for sharing though.
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
  I actually like this... I've felt this way before (quite often actually). I love how you repeat things too.. it puts an emphasis on them... and makes the reader think about more things that the line could mean (at least it did me). I also liked the ending... how you changed it to "You need to go".. and sometimes thats the solution I guess.
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]

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