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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Reality of a New Addictiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Amberdy
    ASL Info:    21/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 238/227/58
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 92
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 899



    Description:
       i havent posted anything in a really long time. so i figured i should throw some thoughts out there.


    random write. random rhyme. simple. i didnt go much into detail...i guess thats part of the whole feel of it. its kinda choppy. on purpose. i dont care about punctuation and i dont like stanzas so i didnt use them. love it or hate it. but feel free to let me know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Reality of a New Addictiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    A new addiction
    dances, disappears
    please, I insist
    I can go without
    Carried by the breeze
    noises
    repeat [repeat]
    a steady pace
    within the walls
    anticipating
    another trace
    of what was taken
    and what would fall
    Still standing
    like a stone
    through the blow
    through the storm
    Accuse once more
    truth wont fail
    it never mattered
    you never cared
    I survive
    alone
    in every end
    of every story told
    I learned a way
    to live without
    May the facts be known
    Erosion began
    with bitter words
    of the tale you envision
    now I start new
    and quickly inhale
    the reality
    of a new addiction




    Submitted on 2007-10-13 00:46:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm...

    I agree with you on it being choppy but as long as the reader gets the idea, it's good.

    I understood it. It took awhile but I did (or maybe because I'm slow).

    When I think of 'A New Addiction', I think of a drug. Were you trying to go for something addicting? Or is that just me thinking weird again?

    You could use some organization. Like this:


    A new addiction
    dances, disappears
    please, I insist
    I can go without

    Carried by the breeze
    noises
    repeat [repeat]

    a steady pace
    within the walls
    anticipating
    another trace
    of what was taken
    and what would fall

    Still standing
    like a stone
    through the blow
    through the storm

    Accuse once more
    truth wont fail
    it never mattered
    you never cared

    I survive
    alone
    in every end
    of every story told

    I learned a way
    to live without
    May the facts be known

    Erosion began
    with bitter words
    of the tale you envision

    now I start new
    and quickly inhale
    the reality
    of a new addiction


    See where I'm getting at? And I don't really care about the capatilization or punctuation. But you could use some for the reader to understand the poem better.

    Well, it was a little cloudy but I liked the use of words in it. Like I say, every poem's not crystal clear.


    --Beth
    | Posted on 2007-10-13 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]



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