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    dots Submission Name: Distancedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 257


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Waves devoured the moon
    when I searched for paradise
    in the tattered core
    of a peeled rose.

    The sky-bound part of you
    chewed my fingers
    and fled

    and I couldn’t be content
    with a corpse.

    Submitted on 2007-10-14 03:16:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I liked the language in your poem, but I had no clue what it was about until I read manwithnoname's interpretation. Then I was like DUH... THAT makes sense! He got what he wanted/needed out of you and took off- emotionally anyway. This explaining the title, Distance. Nice job.

    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool beyond words. No, really it is.

    I've got an idea of what this is about. It's about a loveless relationship. What made me think this was several things:

    "Waves devoured the moon
    when I searched for paradise
    in the tattered core
    of a peeled rose." --> you were looking for something that you just didn't find. Also, I linked love and rose together

    "The sky-bound part of you
    chewed my fingers
    and fled" --> chewing fingers makes me think of foreplay, which makes me think of sex. So the person was there for sex but then "fled".

    "and I couldn’t be content
    with a corpse." --> I see the loveless man as a corpse. He is there, but he is emotionally dead. He is just there for sex and to stink of rot. Yuck.

    And also, the title helped me to develop this idea --> "Distance" --> emotionally distant

    At least that is what I got from this. Just my interpretation on your wonderful piece. Good to see something new from you. Haven't seen much of you lately. You've probably been quite busy.

    Keep it up!

    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with AutumnChild. i think if you add just, you would be implying that you could be content with a corpse if you only had something else to go along with it.

    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Falling Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll be honest with you and myself - I dunno what is this about, or how its related to 'distance'...

    Though I'm stupid when it comes to the understanding, I still suggest something for the last stanza...

    and I couldn’t be content
    with [just] a corpse.

    But the imagery, I find it awesomely vivid. Keep writing, as for one day you will definately harness that unique talent of yours.

    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by AutumnChild | [ Reply to This ]

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