Hard Times by annie0888

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Hard Times dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	annie0888
ASL Info:	44/f/LA
Elite Ratio:	5.59 - 279/246/75
Words:	114

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	117
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	749

Description:

Hard Times dots

-------------------------------------------

Who says war’s no time for dancing,
that tragedy ought to be artlessly endured?
If bombs explode then let them blow
to the rhythm of musicians’
unquenched symphonies.
When the gutters fill with blood
let the paint pots spill as well,
When the flowers all are trampled,
Artists, splash the roses on
Dress the fortress, gates and walls.
More power to the poets scribbling
metaphors in dim-lit bedrooms
as the buildings crumble down.
And here’s to ballerinas who
spin unhindered through the rubble
shaking dainty fists to fate –
Suspend the mail, cut the power,
park the cherished cars,
But leave hope alone.

Submitted on 2007-10-14 14:54:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Jesus Christ. I'm in love with this. It is definitely going to be added as a favorite. The lines I love the most are:

"If bombs explode then let them blow
to the rhythm of musicians’
unquenched symphonies."

and of course, like others have said

"But leave hope alone."

It really is powerful. I think each human that makes it through 24 hours without giving up completely and taking themselves out of this world, they are holding on to hope. A lot of people say they aren't, and they cling to their negativity and pessimism (I used to be that way), but before I go off on tangents . . . I adore this piece. It's brilliant and you are overflowing with talent.

| Posted on 2008-07-04 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
  this is THE most powerful anti-war poem i've ever read. the last line is a wonderful, strong ending, and a beautiful way to end on an upbeat note after so much sadness. excellent work.

peace, love and all that other junk,

joe

ps - submit this smewhere!
| Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  But leave hope alone

Such a powerful end-statement. And hope, it's a powerful emotion. Without it, who knows how long each war would go for, how many would just roll over and lie to the ground, waiting for eventual death to take them without a fight.

I'll say that two of my poem's, 'Cataluna and Her Strings' and 'Crows', echo these same sentiments, the first moreso for the shared exultation to dance and love while knowing death and war is around the corner. This is saying to enjoy what is left, because, pretty soon, it will all fall.

I really hope I'm never in that predicament to have to follow this thought.

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  You created great images, making the idea or war, or conflict artistic. I loved your poem

The only thing I will change is to put in punctuation marks at “as the buildings crumble down.” To show the crumbling progress, slow the sentence down, but that’s just me 

Great work.

| Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
  There's always hope! I like the themes expressed in most of the poem like how artists shouldn't turn a blind eye to war, in fact artists can powerfully protest it. But my hope was crushed when I reached your last line, I think maybe I'm interpreting it wrong because I don't understand the two lines before it. I need to get better at this! No, I just think you might want to make that a little clearer. Some people might understand it though.

I think you need some punctuation mark (just nitpicking your details ) between these two lines:

'Artists, splash the roses on
Dress the fortress, gates and walls.'

When I came to 'dim-lit bedrooms', I was happy because it registered an image in my mind, actually there were a few others that did it too like gutters filling with blood and ballerinas dancing among rubble. A bit of a dark thing to write about

I don't know if you did this on purpose but subtle use of assonance throughout makes this piece aswell:

rhythm/musician
gutters fill/pots spill
shaking/dainty

among some; and also alliteration works well with your
'power to poets' and 'fists to fate'

A few things with your classification of artists too:

Firstly with 'rhythm of musician's unquenched symphonies.' I think it sounds a bit busy, like maybe you could take out 'musician's' which may make it a tad vague and the reader might think you're talking about something else or you could keep the blatant music aspect with something like this:

'If bombs explode then let them blow
to music;
to the rhythm
of unquenched symphonies.'

I suppose if you take out the 'musician' though, it takes away from the "human expressing war through art" aspect because it takes the human out. Have a look-see though and think about how you could make it better. I think it'd be cool if you showed the ownership of the music by a person but without putting the person in your poem.

Ok! Next thing is, I was reading and I didn't like the use of 'Artist' to express a painter and that may be just me but maybe you could take that out, I had a look at the line ordering for:

'When the gutters fill with blood
let the paint pots spill as well,
When the flowers all are trampled,
Artists, splash the roses on
Dress the fortress, gates and walls.'

This is how I would do it:

'Dress the fortress, gates and walls!
And when the flowers all are trampled
Splash the roses on a canvas;
Let the paint pots spill as well
When gutters fill with blood.'

Just ideas, play around

Thirdly I liked the 'poets' and 'ballerina' except 'metaphors' and 'buildings' sounded a bit plain to me. You decide if you like them though. I think the 'ballerina' part of the poem is near perfect.

Thank you for writing this poem, tell me if you do anything to it

Peace,
Camo
| Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Camo Star | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.