"When it`s Storming," has been greatly improved by repositioning punctuation.
To make a point of punctation: Some poets when writing well known subject matter choose no punctuation. The "P-Marks"are left for the reader to supply.
As a curtesy extended to the reader, punctuation is an invaluable,neccessary, tool to aid in understandability in a knowledge of what the writer definitely wishes to convey.
In counted (feet) verse, some poets let the punctuations stand for one count of the meter.
I like, "its nice to have a friend."
You asked for an overall assessment.
I think a comma after (line 1) word,"know," better separates knowledge from a time frame.
(Line 5) sounds better when substituting the word "by" in lieu of "with." "sit with" connotes the act of baby-sitting which can be anywhere in the vicinity, while "by" connotes beside.
(line 6) sounds better with "as we watch" instead of "and we watch",since "and" seems like an unnecessary conjunction.
In poetry,if one decides to punctuate, the sequence should follow throughout to help with understandiong and as a catch breath maneuver.
The quest of this piece is nicely done. Friendship is showered with praise.
To have them separate was the issue coz they should indeed be together. It sounds awkward to have a line break there. But were you to put them together as you showed me you would unavoidably have an unduly long line which would not be too suitable altogether.... maybe a complete re write would do the job or even leaving it together would be much better than separate despite the line break matter.
I'd say it's quite simple and straight forward. It's an honest write and there's nothing much to read between the lines.... I liked the format and the rhythm.... they, especially the latter, help convey the message well.
The only 2 things that bug are lines 11 and 12 ... there's a pause there when line 11 finishes which massively hinders the flow of this write. One suggestion would be to re write those lines or condense them owing to the fact that it feels as if one had lit upon a blocking wall, if you know what I mean. Other than that I'd say it's a nice piece.
Submission Name: When it's Storming...
