Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

I Crave To Be The Abstract 8/18/07

Author: Falling Rain
ASL Info:    17/f
Elite Ratio:    4.77 - 78 /66 /34
Words: 76
Class/Type: Poetry /Nature
Total Views: 961
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 461


I Crave To Be The Abstract 8/18/07

I want to be cigarette smoke - dancing
majestically on the air, swirling and
mimicking the ballerinas I admire so much.
I crave to be the abstract - the smoke
holds no patterns, yet is a pattern unto
itself. Billowing into grey cloud puffs,
I sense the smoke desiring to be everything
and nothing all at once - it becomes it all,
then disperses into nothing, what it makes
of those who create it.

Submitted on 2007-10-15 15:57:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Man I thought the same thing many a times when i smoked...when im puffing on a clove and the endorphines are running through my brain...smoke holds no boundaries...its free yet contained....nice write, it just felt a little to short to me but it was good.
| Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this piece, i think the idea is great, wanting to be like smoke, just floating, going nowhere in particular,expandig,

"the smoke
holds no patterns, yet is a pattern unto
itself. " my opinion a very original line,(i haven,t come accross it before)yes smoke doesn,t have an original pattern(like the patterns in a kilt) but when it floats through the air,yes it takes on different shapes of it,s own, iv,e tried doing smoke rings kind off hard to control the smoke, it,s got a will of it,s own,much enjoyed.

| Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
  ooo... that last line, if i understand it proply, is stunning. are you trying to say that smoking kills [though you are saying it in a very eloquent way...]

i crave to be abstract.
i like this idea a lot.
you are right that cigarette smoke seems to have a life/mind of its own. some ppl make cigarette smoke look so elegant and others make it look horrid... careless and foul.

the idea of floating like smoke... having no expectations and no mould to fit and no direction to go and nowhere/nothing to be... sounds wonderful...

and yet i think we have moments in life like this... moments when we are floating until we remember we shouldnt be and then we become nothing [or the feeling ends]

very interesting piece...
| Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  "then disperses into nothing, what it makes
of those who create it."

Nice. Not only does smoke dissipate to nothing, it kills those who create it.

Wouldn't it be nice just to be free floating matter for a little while? We could dance and merge and fly!

"the smoke
holds no patterns, yet is a pattern unto

Everything and nothing. The only cliché that isn't a cliché. I love saying it. Everything and nothing, everything and I feel like a beatnik existentialist.

Interesting poem. I hope you are able to dance like the smoke one day.

One day, you will be the smoke dancer.
| Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?