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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mind Drivesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    22/f/Fair Oaks, Cali
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 23/36/23
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 107
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1112



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMind Drivesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was a 3 am hunger that sent me to her lair
    A petite little figure, enveloped with golden hair.
    Her perfect curves lay beneath black satin spreads,
    The aroma of lavender dances around her bed.

    She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be,
    Yet this beautiful princess is all I can see

    I sit upon her darkened sheets so close to her embrace,
    Softly I lean into her and kiss her milk white face.
    Her lips of blush part silently as if to take me in,
    She is more than my lover
    My kith, my kin, my sin.
    I place her hand of ice in mine; I’m started by the cold
    With fingers hardened stiff, they cannot bend or mold.

    In a craze I peel the sheets from her eternal grave
    So horrifying the reality she cannot possibly be saved.

    Self inflicted wounds parade upon her blood soaked skin,
    Tears glimmer in her reddened eyes revealing pain within
    A symphony is orchestrated within my broken soul
    My love is lost, my queen of lust, my beautiful little girl




    Submitted on 2007-10-16 00:15:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sometimes when we are in the most pain, our writing rises to a level that far exceeds the ordinary. It's not a trade off that we'd choose to make, but it's one that offers a glimpse into our hearts and souls. This poem is an excellent example of just that.

    In Line 12: Did you mean "startled" instead of "started?"

    Better days are certainly ahead! I must read more of your work as my times permits.

    Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      No one likes to feel played or betrayed. You've written of the pain very well. I felt drawn into the lines, "She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be, Yet this beautiful princess is all I can see." Perfection is illusive at best despite our desires. I don't have the answer, but I can certainly question my own search for perfection. You definitely have talent for writing. Take care, Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely Breathtaking
    I think you did an amazing job at describing the painful reality of True Love gone bad
    The rhyme scheme used in this write carries very well and I feel like I am right there in the room as you remove the sheet to find her gone
    I Look forward to reading more writes from you in the future
    You definately have talent!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



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