Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pandora's Hopechest c. by ruejacobs 10/16/07 dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ruejacobs
    ASL Info:    37/feminazi/Gehenna
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 487/401/144
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 166
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1163



    Description:
       i was inspired by a line in Alia's submission on Writerscafe.org. it's a prequel to Crop Circle which i wrote yesterday.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPandora's Hopechest c. by ruejacobs 10/16/07 dots
    -------------------------------------------




    the latch with no lock
    save that biohazard label
    detrimental as hope
    what inside, then?...only lies
    wrapped in cellophane like a bonbon
    it's just as sweet
    just as sweet as his honey tongue



    she had carried that box for years
    until at last she buried it deep in his heart
    and tamped the earth down close upon it
    scattered leaves and left no mark upon his surface
    ephemeral as breath
    glanced back over his shoulder
    she transformed into a pillar of ash
    sifted and scattered on the wind



    there was no hope, not for her
    and he, constant as eden, remained
    monolithic and underground
    hands in his pockets, he hummed to himself
    eternity passed him like a river
    the casket within his cell
    metamorphised
    what was once only carbon
    condensed like coal
    became diamond


    lumineous, it's brilliance lit him from within
    she emerged from thin air
    made tangible by desire
    and harvested that burden




    Submitted on 2007-10-16 14:03:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      she had carried that box for years
    until at last she buried it deep in his heart
    and tamped the earth down close upon it
    scattered leaves and left no mark upon his surface

    So pretty...

    lumineous, it's brilliance lit him from within
    she emerged from thin air
    made tangible by desire
    and harvested that burden

    I love that you use such marvelous words in your writing...you've got to admire the beauty of it...

    Awesome job.
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151229



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry