stroll around by Polydectes

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Submission Name: stroll around dots

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Author:	Polydectes
ASL Info:	29/m/South Africa
Elite Ratio:	7.84 - 154/85/38
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	1025
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	504

Description:

stroll around dots

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How peaceful here with tar for rivers
Skip pass whores to show some rank
Pass the justice as they drank.
Just like their fathers and their mothers.

No more the priest or the academic.
Now it’s a playground for this epidemic,
Luckily this poison is only systemic

You asked God to save your soul today?
Yesterday you asked to please go away?
Just one more shot, and then I’m done,
Bang, one by one, it’s gone.

Submitted on 2007-10-17 10:09:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  wow...this is really a good street poem...

at least as i am reading this...i see that survival of the streets...the tar for rivers..what we left behind for this?

this is our life now...we left society, at least the normal view of society...the house, the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, the yard etc.
and dropped out...didn't need that, didn't need god, didn't need no one but me...

but then there is the regret...the second thought, the "god, save me" rumbling in the heart and mind...maybe this isn't the life i wanted...

maybe i feel wasted...

and then the bang....i like that to..for the double meaning..
a "shot" of booze to ease the pain...or a literal "shot" another dead in the street from
a drive by...or just battling for turf...
i have not much of me left...almost like the other poem...chasing away the pigeons...but i can fly away if i want to...

god, hear me...

intense piece, that made me feel the streets...

jacob
| Posted on 2011-03-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I like satire and you used it very effectively in this poem. There's such a fragile balance in all of life or phoof...we're dead either intellectually or physically. Observation makes for great poetry and you obviously do not overlook life around and about. I love it when a piece grabs my attention in the first line (tar for rivers) and ends with a bang! Great job on this one, Sharon
| Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  there is a certain dry humor to your writing that draws me to it
its entertaining, and makes me think
and all the time i cant help but see the born writer in you
this is great
in just a few short pieces you have shown me a wonderfully magnificent talent that i hope just keeps growing

xoxo
| Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.