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    dots Submission Name: Into The Shadowsdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 555
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 706

       I took a phrase that I liked and this came from it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInto The Shadowsdots

    He slips into the shadows
    More swiftly than he came
    I retrace my steps
    And revel in the pain

    He slips into the shadows
    I didn't even see him leave
    But there's time for contemplation
    And even more to grieve

    He slips into the shadows
    I lie here in the dark
    I let him in my world
    And now he has my heart

    He slips into the shadows
    I get lost inside my head
    There is light beyond this doorway
    But I choose the dark instead

    Now we're both in a place
    Where no one ever goes
    I release my hold on the past
    And he slips into the shadows

    Submitted on 2007-10-17 16:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      beautiful cadent piece, Rave, i love how you captured the sense of regret.
    regret has always been a specialty of mine...
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great, Raivn! It has excellent structure, rhyme, and rhythm, and a mysterious but relatable story! The story sorta sounds like a one night stand that left surprising afterthoughts!!

    Very good!!
    | Posted on 2007-10-19 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree to an extent about the flow of the poem, the rhyming was good, but even better was the meanings behind it all, life is so full of misery and torture that it makes the world very easy to misunderstand, and if you mean by slipping into the shadows - Dying - then of course, its going to be hard
    I write a lot of this kind of poetry for some reason
    I can understand everything else in the world but the fact that we will die and have no answers to the ending
    we just float along in time hoping that theres something more to it, and the pain of living makes us want to find out if death is all that much worse.

    great write, and I think youre pretty cute btw,
    especially with that pink gangster bandanna ;)

    -Mike (bigbill)
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
    this is sinful seeming, and dark, like chocolates on your pillow, waiting to be fed to lovers
    "revel in the pain"
    sometimes thats all you can do

    i like this bunches, dear
    and i hope all goes well today
    with both the gnatcunt and the tearful waiting game

    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      its very very neat, neat in its rhyming, its pace and lines.. well done.. and its still captivating. all the rhymes fit, its not half baked rhymes and i just like it.. i like it alot.. good work

    | Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by MysterydarkPoet | [ Reply to This ]

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