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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: La Chupacabradots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: doppelganger
    ASL Info:    26/f/your brain
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 34/223/160
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Comedy
    Total Views: 1725
    Average Vote:    2.5000
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       silly little song my friend and I wrote last night
    It's so much fun to sing
    Stop getting offended. Jeez. It's only a stupid song that's not meant to be taken seriously. And by Brazily, I meant Brazil, Indiana.
    Come on people.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLa Chupacabradots
    -------------------------------------------


    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    He'll eat your face off blah blah blah

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    Even though he's only two feet tall

    He came from Chile
    And now he's in Brazily
    He'll eat your brains

    His red eyes
    Oh they look so silly
    I think he's rather quite insane

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    He'll eat your face off blah blah blah

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    Even though he's only two feet tall

    He's unnatural
    Extraterrestrial
    Goat sucking away

    Please don't eat me
    I am not flavourful
    Get in your ship and fly away!

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    He'll eat your face off blah blah blah

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    Even though he's only two feet tall

    Oh and the taller
    Say that I look smaller
    When they're hovering by

    Mr. Shaky Quills
    Why do you bother?
    Everybody thinks you're a lie!

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    He'll eat your face off blah blah blah

    La Chupacabra
    La Chupacabra
    Even though he's only two feet tall





    Submitted on 2007-10-18 02:17:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with nj. Though you were aiming at comedy, this isn't particularly comic.

    -C.L.
    | Posted on 2007-10-19 00:00:00 | by Coeur Lazulis | [ Reply to This ]
      Bueno honestamente esta canción es una mierda... Viendo que usaste "La Chupacabra" y después le diste una conotación masculina es evidente que lo que tu sabes de castellano es super poco, o talvez nulo. Aunque mi percepción es subjetiva, al leer esta canción objetivamente sigue siendo una mierda. La rima no se ve bién, es decir, si uno dice "Chile" con un acento de redneck gringo obvio que va a rimar con "Brazily" pero si se dice BIEN eso no rima para nada. Perdóname pero no se pronuncia Chilli, si no Chileh, antes de que involucres a una cultura y/o país asegúrate de lo que estás diciendo hace sentido y que no estes insultando a nadie. Ademas el "Brazily" con el "silly" están demasiado separados, entonces esa rima también se pierde. Adicionalmente, no es "La Chupacabra" sino "El Chupacabra" esto también comprueba que tan deficiente es tu nivel de castellano, y por lo tanto quisas ni deberías estar escribiendo una canción sobre algo tan latino, que obviamente tu no tienes. No se sabe exactamente como se ve el chupacabras, mucho menos que tiene ojos rojos y que vaya a devorar la cara de uno. Las principales víctimas del chupacabras han sido ovejas, gallinas, vacas, caballos, etc... en fin animales de granja, nunca se a atacado a un ser humano. Con toda honestidad no creo en eso del chupacabras pero si vas a usarlo, y especialmente publicarlo en internet, primero que nada deberías asegurarte de que tienes alguna noción sobre el tema, y posteriormente hacer un trabajo que sea líricamente bello. Lo que leo es feo de cualquier punto de vista: el tema apesta, la gramática es horrible, y no veo como este tema puede ser chistoso o cómico. Me siento insultada porque usaste a Chile y a Brazil, que sabes tu de estos países? Para la próxima vez piensa en lo que vayas a escribir y haz algo interesante y productivo con tu tiempo libre, porque gastar el tiempo haciendo weas como esta es patético.
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by nj | [ Reply to This ]
      That... is... really funny. I like the way you took something that was worn out and that everyone had heard about and made something new out of it.

    Although I like it, you're rythem is off a little in some places. If you add some words in a few places it will make the flow better.
    The line "He'll eat your brains" will work better if you change he'll to he will. You have at least 6 syllables in in the third line of all the other stanzas so I think it will work better if you put more in that line.

    "His red eyes" is a little bit off also. You have five syllables in the first line of the other stanzas but only three in this one. Try adding another word in such as "his red eyes so beady". That will also get rid of the problem of it not rhymeing with the second line.

    Sorry if I got a little technacal... it's still really funny though. I hope you don't mind,

    Keep it real,
    Faith
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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