Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cupcakedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 569
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1831



    Description:
       Not your typical love poem. Have a laugh!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCupcakedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm terrible at writing love poems.
    Somehow I always manage to forget this.
    But I suppose for someone who spends
    unallotted time writing about losing things
    I'm not surprised I find it challenging
    to write about something so completely found.
    It's difficult to write about everything
    when you're used to having absolutely nothing.

    I think that if I was going to write a bad love poem,
    I'd say something about flowers and the weather,
    the colors of seasons and the ocean,
    and maybe I'd mention your eyes.
    However, having no inclinations for
    the naturistic parts of love and
    remembering I've never looked into your eyes,
    I think I must resort to love's other aspects.

    Another way to poorly write a love poem
    is to talk with an abundance of melancholy
    about all we've "been through together" and
    how "all I need" is you, or something else
    melodramatic and loaded with sugary sweet
    romantic clichés about journeys and such,
    using words like "us" and "forever".

    However, I will write neither of those.
    I want to write about what a struggle this is,
    a complicated relationship with complex problems
    that sometimes we dare not face. I have a friend
    who says that a complicated relationship is
    like a cupcake. I'm not exactly sure
    what he meant by that statement,
    but I like cupcakes. So despite everything,
    the trouble we're too cowardly to start,
    the arguments kept at bay, and all
    the differences and conflicting elements,
    I'm really enjoying the frosting and sprinkles.




    Submitted on 2007-10-18 04:26:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good! The end, with the cupcake and sprinkles, is what really makes it. Despite the less than perfect love you describe, the poem feels light, and...cupcakelike. It's a delight read.

    I don't really think it needs much revision, maybe just a bit of tightening, a bit of pruning (like changing "I think that if I was going to write a bad love poem" to "[If] I [were] to write a bad love poem").

    It's good though. Very cute! :)

    Oh, and good luck with the relationship!
    | Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by carousels | [ Reply to This ]
      great write!!!!!!!!!!! I dont really know what to say except WOW. I loved how you used the cupcake to describe feeling and thought. very good.
    -melissa
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by canarddoue | [ Reply to This ]
      wow so interesting
    you write about how to write a bad love poem and at the same time write a wonderful poem about love
    I love the cupcake drawing, if I had half the talent you did I would be in the national art gallery for years ;)

    not really a lot I can say but good job on this and the symbolism of the cupcake is not long forgotten.
    Bill-
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151329

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry