Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cupcakedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 576
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1831



    Description:
       Not your typical love poem. Have a laugh!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCupcakedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm terrible at writing love poems.
    Somehow I always manage to forget this.
    But I suppose for someone who spends
    unallotted time writing about losing things
    I'm not surprised I find it challenging
    to write about something so completely found.
    It's difficult to write about everything
    when you're used to having absolutely nothing.

    I think that if I was going to write a bad love poem,
    I'd say something about flowers and the weather,
    the colors of seasons and the ocean,
    and maybe I'd mention your eyes.
    However, having no inclinations for
    the naturistic parts of love and
    remembering I've never looked into your eyes,
    I think I must resort to love's other aspects.

    Another way to poorly write a love poem
    is to talk with an abundance of melancholy
    about all we've "been through together" and
    how "all I need" is you, or something else
    melodramatic and loaded with sugary sweet
    romantic clichés about journeys and such,
    using words like "us" and "forever".

    However, I will write neither of those.
    I want to write about what a struggle this is,
    a complicated relationship with complex problems
    that sometimes we dare not face. I have a friend
    who says that a complicated relationship is
    like a cupcake. I'm not exactly sure
    what he meant by that statement,
    but I like cupcakes. So despite everything,
    the trouble we're too cowardly to start,
    the arguments kept at bay, and all
    the differences and conflicting elements,
    I'm really enjoying the frosting and sprinkles.




    Submitted on 2007-10-18 04:26:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good! The end, with the cupcake and sprinkles, is what really makes it. Despite the less than perfect love you describe, the poem feels light, and...cupcakelike. It's a delight read.

    I don't really think it needs much revision, maybe just a bit of tightening, a bit of pruning (like changing "I think that if I was going to write a bad love poem" to "[If] I [were] to write a bad love poem").

    It's good though. Very cute! :)

    Oh, and good luck with the relationship!
    | Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by carousels | [ Reply to This ]
      great write!!!!!!!!!!! I dont really know what to say except WOW. I loved how you used the cupcake to describe feeling and thought. very good.
    -melissa
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by canarddoue | [ Reply to This ]
      wow so interesting
    you write about how to write a bad love poem and at the same time write a wonderful poem about love
    I love the cupcake drawing, if I had half the talent you did I would be in the national art gallery for years ;)

    not really a lot I can say but good job on this and the symbolism of the cupcake is not long forgotten.
    Bill-
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151329

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry