Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tangerine - Part 1 Chapter 2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: manwithnoname
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ontario
    Elite Ratio:    5.84 - 314/278/117
    Words: 860
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4712



    Description:
       The second chapter of Tangerine. It starts getting serious now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTangerine - Part 1 Chapter 2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Chapter 2 - School Dazed and Confused

    The next day, Mother and Father went to look for work, while I went to school.

    I had never been to school before. Mother and Father had taught me everything I needed to know. School was so odd. There were many other kids. As I walked through the halls, I could feel a million eyes upon me. I knew I was different, but with them all staring at me I felt even more like a stranger.

    According to my timetable, my class was in Room 221. I wandered around for several minutes, trying to find it. I finally found it just as the bell rang.

    As I walked in, I saw about twenty other students. There was only one seat left, near the front of the room. I really wished I could’ve sit at the back and hide.

    At the front of the room stood the teacher. Her name was written on the top-left corner of the blackboard in neat, cursive letters: Mrs. Fletcher. She had thin, rectangular glasses balanced on the end of her nose. Her brown hair was tied into a tight bun. She was wearing a tan-coloured sweater and a checkered plaid skirt. She glanced at the students until all was quiet.

    “Thank you. Now, children, today we will start with long division.” said Mrs. Fletcher. A groan emitted from everyone in the class. I just sat there, curious, eager and ready to work. Mrs. Fletcher began handing out a long division worksheet. When she saw me, she stared hard.

    “Who are you?” she asked.

    “I’m a new student. I believe I’m on the list. My name is Keira Calderon.” I replied. She went over to her desk, looked at the sheet, and came back.

    “So you are. Would you like to be introduced to the class?”

    “Um, not really…”

    “Oh, don’t be so shy! Class! Class! Hold on a second. We have a new student in our class today.” Everyone looked up and saw me. Right then my cloak of invisibility + 10 had worn off.

    “Woah! She’s a bird!” yelled one student from the back. “I thought only humans were allowed to come to school!” Mrs. Fletcher gave him a disapproving look and he slid down in his seat. Soon, the whole class was up from their desk and examining me. I felt like a lab rat. They touched my wings, felt my hair, and looked at my talons. After several minutes, they finally calmed down, and we got to our long division. It was surprisingly easy, but I could tell that some of the other students weren’t doing too well. We did other interesting things such as creative writing (which I really love), science (boring!), and art. Within a few hours, the school day was over, and we all filed out of class.

    One of the girls from my class started walking with me in the hallway.

    “Hi. My name is Tiffany. It’s nice to meet you.” she said. I looked at her and saw her face was calm, so I figured that she wasn’t as bothered by my appearance as the others were.

    “Nice to meet you too. I feel so out of place here.”

    “Oh don’t worry. Things will get better soon.” I really hoped what she said would be true. But the rest of the day went downhill from there.

    As soon as we got outside, someone pushed me to the ground. I looked up and saw a tall, male student. He had jet black hair, dark green eyes, and a scar along his cheek. He was an older student, probably in grade 7 or 8. He smirked at me.

    “So, how’s it going, bird freak? Having a nice day?” He sneered and gave me a sharp kick. Unfortunately for him, this made me very angry and I swiped at his legs with my razor-sharp talons. He fell down, screaming in pain. I got up and stared in horror at what I had done. He struggled to his feet, his legs cut open and bleeding.

    “Oh, you’re going to pay for that, freak.” He said, grimacing in pain. He took a step toward me.

    “Keira!” shouted Tiffany. “Run…fly!” I didn’t want to get in a fight with this guy so I listened to Tiffany and spread my orange wings and took to the air.

    “Get back here!” yelled the boy. “You’ll pay! I’ll get you for this!” My first day at school and I had already made an enemy. I sure hoped that he didn’t mean what he said.

    Later on that afternoon I met up with Tiffany.

    “Who was that guy?” I asked.

    “That’s Hunter, the school bully. He is always looking for someone new to beat up. He is merciless.” she replied with a shudder.

    “Do you think he was serious when he said he would get me?” Tiffany looked at me, her eyes wide with fear.

    “Yes, he was. He always keeps his promises.”




    Submitted on 2007-10-18 08:45:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Towards" is not a word. The word is "toward" in all circumstances. I do not know how, collectively, almost everyone on earth added that s to the end. It's simultaneously humorous and saddening.

    The D&D reference made me smirk but it should probably be wrought into something else. It's not fitting with the rest of the tone of the story. Unless this story is meant to be humorous and self aware - something I'm not seeing in it at all.

    It's too early to call a lot of these things but I should point out that you're drifting dangerously close to well treaded territory and a number of clichés. Proceed with caution.
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      I really wished I could’ve [sit] at the back and hide. = sat


    im not sure how you could avoid it but the run/fly bit reminded me of forrest gump... run forrest run...

    i think this story has the potential to be a very effective tool in bringing awareness to the need for self confidence or something to that effect [though i am not in your head and dont know where you intend to take this story it strikes me as one that could have a strong moral like the happy prince...]

    i guess being different is bad enough for "normal" kids... being a bird would suck in a school... kids are so horrid...
    | Posted on 2007-10-19 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151334

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry