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    dots Submission Name: Awaiting Nightdots

    Author: skinnard
    ASL Info:    22 male New York
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 38/76/49
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1008


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    dotsAwaiting Nightdots

    Agonizing pain surging through my head
    The light blinding my eyes
    As I awake to a world gone wrong
    To myself, I no longer lie
    Thinking, thinking my brain full of thoughts
    And now in my own cage I'm stuck
    My throat parched, I'm wanting you again
    But I sit here in daytime and pay for my sin
    Waiting, waiting for the night to return
    The sun hides in the clouds
    And the rain pours down
    I'm awaiting night to escape once again
    My daily ritual, drown til' it ends
    Just wandering in thoughts, oh how I yearn
    Pour into my stomach, how I love the burn
    Morning is here, the day goes slowly
    Hurry now darkness, repel all that is holy
    Like a vampire, my only family comes out at night
    I pour a glass, everything is alright
    Awaiting night to escape my life
    I pass out and wake up to the suns bright light
    Repeat once again so I can escape another night

    Submitted on 2007-10-19 06:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice piece, there is a good flow and its good you can tell your talking about a vampire, before you even say so.

    But, I think, you talk about the sun a little too much. I think you give us enough, and that maybe it's pushing the sun too much, but the darkness seems right, since it's more of 'Awaiting Night' then 'Hiding from the Sun'.

    But overall, I really liked the piece, it was very good, the emotion was the same the whole time, but I think that was good for this piece.

    Very nice

    - Kaela
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by VampireMaiden | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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