Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Awaiting Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: skinnard
    ASL Info:    22 male New York
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 38/76/49
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1008



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAwaiting Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Agonizing pain surging through my head
    The light blinding my eyes
    As I awake to a world gone wrong
    To myself, I no longer lie
    Thinking, thinking my brain full of thoughts
    And now in my own cage I'm stuck
    My throat parched, I'm wanting you again
    But I sit here in daytime and pay for my sin
    Waiting, waiting for the night to return
    The sun hides in the clouds
    And the rain pours down
    I'm awaiting night to escape once again
    My daily ritual, drown til' it ends
    Just wandering in thoughts, oh how I yearn
    Pour into my stomach, how I love the burn
    Morning is here, the day goes slowly
    Hurry now darkness, repel all that is holy
    Like a vampire, my only family comes out at night
    I pour a glass, everything is alright
    Awaiting night to escape my life
    I pass out and wake up to the suns bright light
    Repeat once again so I can escape another night




    Submitted on 2007-10-19 06:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice piece, there is a good flow and its good you can tell your talking about a vampire, before you even say so.

    But, I think, you talk about the sun a little too much. I think you give us enough, and that maybe it's pushing the sun too much, but the darkness seems right, since it's more of 'Awaiting Night' then 'Hiding from the Sun'.

    But overall, I really liked the piece, it was very good, the emotion was the same the whole time, but I think that was good for this piece.

    Very nice

    - Kaela
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by VampireMaiden | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151379

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry