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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cold Comfortdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ruinedsnapshots
    ASL Info:    31-f-earth
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 25/27/19
    Words: 258
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1110
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1564



    Description:
       A excerpt of a short story. No point in putting the whole thing here if no one wants to read it. Let me know what cha think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold Comfortdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A blood spattered, yet otherwise attractive nurse scurries into the room. In a flutter of motion she whips out a blood pressure cuff and affixes it to Marc's upper arm. She pulls the prongs of her stethoscope up to her ears and places a little silver disc in the crook of his elbow. As she pumps away and looks to her watch, I realize she has done all this without even looking at Marc.

    "Busy night?" Marc inquires as his eyes survey bloody smears on her scrub top.

    A look of surprise cracks her face, and as she tucks back a loose strand of hair she struggles with the question.

    "There's some in your hair too." He said. Now pointing to her previously blonde, now strawberry blonde hair.

    "Isn't that some sort of bio-hazard?"

    Obviously unamused the nurse purses her lips and concentrates on the matter at hand. As she has stated on her previous forays into Room 33, this is all she cares to discuss. She is concerned that the hospital records reflect proper and intensive care, and that he is as comfortable as possible.

    So long as that comfort comes out of a bottle or syringe mind you.

    Seemingly unaware that the nurse isn't interested in small talk Marc continues.

    "It must be a busy shift, I can only think of one or two times I went around covered with blood and didn't notice.

    Meeting Marc's eyes she finally speaks, "Like last night?".




    Submitted on 2007-10-19 11:42:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I must say, stumbling on to this page two things shocked me almost internally: Cold comfort beside the thought of "Meeting Marc's eyes" ... I may not have told you.. but that's my name - which cordially sent a chill down my spine. This of course brought the fear that something bigger than mean incorporating me had gone to hell because of me (because the world is nothing without me). I pitted that idea in a can of cold apathy. Next, your first sentence.. A blood spattered nurse. It made me think of a scene from one of my most hallowed story-lined game(s)/movie. That is another detail I may not have shared with you, though unlike the first... this one I rarely share (for obvious reasons..).

    And so.. Let the lecture begin on that "cold comfort" note... Cracks read awkwardly at first in my mind.. I could habituate myself to it, but it's something that if I read again, I'd be reminded of my initial distaste for it and be thrown into a spiral of dislike for it every time I'd see it after that. Obnoxious aren't I? In the second loquaciousness of your enchanting (and self-redeeming) Marc, should I say after, you've a sentence that begins on an odd note (because of the period) and reiterates the word Now twice, which is rather obfuscating to the tongue?

    I'm fully of dandies... I feel a little abusive about it too but oh well... I'm trying to be as honest, or open, as possible. You can tell me to back off at any point.

    "She is concerned that the hospital records reflect proper and intensive care; that he is as comfortable as possible - Even if that comfort comes out of a bottle or syringe, mind you." You could even drop the mind you, as it is... Nebulous?

    For a short story, this thing seems spaced out. Most of the short stories I've ever read - being those given to us since 6th grade english class - have been in that to kill a mockingbird style. Why is that? A wonder for another slumber I guess....

    I am interested to see the rest, though I find your curiosity piquer to be a little blunt - which threw me off a little, both because that last sentence no longer had the meaning my emotions had initially associated to it, but also because I am a sucker for subtlety - and the kind that goes against current, because I am a damned rock meant to go against life's current (or so I think).

    Did I bore you? No, not as in are you my child, as in Did I bore you? (did I get a smile...? Oh come on.. That had to earn something, if not an awkward perplexity!)


    -Prom
    P.S: I will try to get my stuff typed.. It isn't as promising as I'd hoped... Last weekend. Life sucks for me and getting to my whimsical hobbies lately - I've time to get my ass kicked, but not to write my own story.. What kind of karma is that?
    | Posted on 2007-11-23 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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