[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Battle on Maple Lanedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1089
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 726


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBattle on Maple Lanedots

    Paratroopers drop by the millions,
    expanses of silk rotting
    and riddled with holes,
    buffeted through spidering skies
    by the voraciously keening winds.

    We send our children to war
    in full battle regalia—heavy hats and coats,
    weapons pointing jauntily over shoulders—
    and wave them out the door
    into a massacre.

    The skirmish lasts for hours,
    an endless loop of capture,
    kill, mass grave, capture;
    each new wave desperate
    and disheartening.

    Turkey and potatoes bring them home,
    stumbling in battle-worn and hungry,
    the smell of wet leaves lingering,
    heavy and bitterly nostalgic.

    Submitted on 2007-10-19 21:22:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i suppose the poem has a double meaning,

    "We send our children to war"-a sorry but true line, if i remmember correctly the average age of a soldier was 19 in vietnam(there was a song about that years ago). i enjoyed the poem very much.if the poem is about children on the streets, then i can only guess that the first stanza is about a certain flower.when the wind blows the flower is like blown apart, and they are spider-like in form,just a guess though.either way nice poem.
    take care gerry
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      What if one evening they just didn't make it home for supper...what then...

    War is horrible. I don't know how people can shoot each other. Not even all the violent things I've seen before could motivate me to shoot someone. I wouldn't ever want to be bloodguilty...

    "We send our children to war" --> This line without a doubt is probably the line I picked up on the most in this poem. And it is true. Horribly true. These are kids who are going out there. Shooting, getting shot, dying...and they had their whole lives in front of them.

    "and wave them out the door
    into a massacre." --> These two lines also stood out at me. They kind of remind me of those people who think it is honourable to go to war. Reminds me of the words of Horace:
    "Dulce et Decorum est pro patria mori" = "Right and fitting it is to die for one's country". In Wilfred Owen's poem "Dulce and Decorum est" he calls this line "the old Lie". And with good reason.

    A very striking poem about war. Seems to show both the supposed "honour" and the horrible reality of war. Very well done.

    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      The bitter sweet reality of war. Whether it's in actual battle or a side street at home it amplifies the subject to comprehension. I wouldn't change a thing in this poem. Great work.
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by WD | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really well done.
    i cannot tell whether it is an actual battle or whether it is kids playing after school on their street but i think it is this uncertainty that caused me to enjoy the piece

    the second stanza made me think of protest songs from the 60s. my father has been sending me home with cds to listen to lately and two of them came to mind when i read that stanza. one if the songs is one i used to listen to with my dad when he was drunk and i was three called 'the grave' by don mclean which starts "when the wars of our nation did beckon/a man bearly 20 did answer the call/ proud of the trust that he placed in his nation/hes gone" and the other is one by country joe mcdonald who sung it at woodstock "what are we fighting for/ dont ask me i dont give a damn/next stop is vietnam/ well its five six seven open up the pearly gates/ well there aint not time to wonder why/ yippeee! we're all gonna die"

    but dont worry about all of that... thats just weird associations i make...

    i adore the way you break the spell of this piece with turkey and potatoes, causing me to lean toward the children at war in the street theory, the smell settling upon the stanza and making me wonder whats for dinner even though its midnight...

    im impressed
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't help wondering if you're talking about an actual battle, or kids in schools, but either way, good going.

    Now to be honest, I would cut the first stanza entirely, it seems to have no relevance besides description. But as we always say, it's your write, so do as you will.

    Nice piece though, it jumped off the screen at me. And you're the first to achieve that today.


    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by Keiran | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]