Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Battle on Maple Lanedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 726



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBattle on Maple Lanedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Paratroopers drop by the millions,
    expanses of silk rotting
    and riddled with holes,
    buffeted through spidering skies
    by the voraciously keening winds.

    We send our children to war
    in full battle regalia—heavy hats and coats,
    weapons pointing jauntily over shoulders—
    and wave them out the door
    into a massacre.

    The skirmish lasts for hours,
    an endless loop of capture,
    kill, mass grave, capture;
    each new wave desperate
    and disheartening.

    Turkey and potatoes bring them home,
    stumbling in battle-worn and hungry,
    the smell of wet leaves lingering,
    heavy and bitterly nostalgic.




    Submitted on 2007-10-19 21:22:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i suppose the poem has a double meaning,

    "We send our children to war"-a sorry but true line, if i remmember correctly the average age of a soldier was 19 in vietnam(there was a song about that years ago). i enjoyed the poem very much.if the poem is about children on the streets, then i can only guess that the first stanza is about a certain flower.when the wind blows the flower is like blown apart, and they are spider-like in form,just a guess though.either way nice poem.
    take care gerry
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      What if one evening they just didn't make it home for supper...what then...

    War is horrible. I don't know how people can shoot each other. Not even all the violent things I've seen before could motivate me to shoot someone. I wouldn't ever want to be bloodguilty...

    "We send our children to war" --> This line without a doubt is probably the line I picked up on the most in this poem. And it is true. Horribly true. These are kids who are going out there. Shooting, getting shot, dying...and they had their whole lives in front of them.

    "and wave them out the door
    into a massacre." --> These two lines also stood out at me. They kind of remind me of those people who think it is honourable to go to war. Reminds me of the words of Horace:
    "Dulce et Decorum est pro patria mori" = "Right and fitting it is to die for one's country". In Wilfred Owen's poem "Dulce and Decorum est" he calls this line "the old Lie". And with good reason.

    A very striking poem about war. Seems to show both the supposed "honour" and the horrible reality of war. Very well done.


    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
      The bitter sweet reality of war. Whether it's in actual battle or a side street at home it amplifies the subject to comprehension. I wouldn't change a thing in this poem. Great work.
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by WD | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really well done.
    i cannot tell whether it is an actual battle or whether it is kids playing after school on their street but i think it is this uncertainty that caused me to enjoy the piece

    the second stanza made me think of protest songs from the 60s. my father has been sending me home with cds to listen to lately and two of them came to mind when i read that stanza. one if the songs is one i used to listen to with my dad when he was drunk and i was three called 'the grave' by don mclean which starts "when the wars of our nation did beckon/a man bearly 20 did answer the call/ proud of the trust that he placed in his nation/hes gone" and the other is one by country joe mcdonald who sung it at woodstock "what are we fighting for/ dont ask me i dont give a damn/next stop is vietnam/ well its five six seven open up the pearly gates/ well there aint not time to wonder why/ yippeee! we're all gonna die"

    but dont worry about all of that... thats just weird associations i make...


    i adore the way you break the spell of this piece with turkey and potatoes, causing me to lean toward the children at war in the street theory, the smell settling upon the stanza and making me wonder whats for dinner even though its midnight...

    im impressed
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't help wondering if you're talking about an actual battle, or kids in schools, but either way, good going.

    Now to be honest, I would cut the first stanza entirely, it seems to have no relevance besides description. But as we always say, it's your write, so do as you will.

    Nice piece though, it jumped off the screen at me. And you're the first to achieve that today.

    Hoorah!

    ~Keiran~
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by Keiran | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151419

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bond written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Linger written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry