[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: It's Not Wrongdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 883

       I think this kind of sucks...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Not Wrongdots

    I know it can't work
    But that doesn't mean it's wrong
    You can stay here beside me
    Even if you can't belong

    I know you don't love me
    But it doesn't mean you won't
    There are pieces of me you'll come to admire
    Even those I don't

    I know I'm not the thing you've lost
    But I can be the one you desire
    I am the mender of broken fences
    And I know how to stoke the fire

    I know I'm not your hippie princess
    I know I can be so much more
    Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore

    I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me
    Put aside your fears and doubts
    And you might discover this was meant to be.

    Submitted on 2007-10-20 16:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oh raivn. this was horribly sad for me after last night. you could be a hippie princess if you wanted to be, you just have to find the right stoner prince to sweep you off your feet.

    "Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore"
    i hate that this sounds the way it does. it sounds like you are pleading, begging.

    "I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me"
    that is the truest and best bit of this whole thing

    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it,s not bad, it flows well, and the idea is good.you are longing for someone who doesn,t feel the same feelings for you.

    "I know I can be so much more
    I can still remain your whore"

    i think thats a bit of a contradiction,your,e selling yourself cheaply then you say you can be so much more.just my opinion.

    "I am the mender of broken fences"
    maybe you should change fences to bridges,it fits the subject better.
    like i said just my opinion.

    maybe you should spend more time on it.
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    This written by Chelebel
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]