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    dots Submission Name: It's Not Wrongdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 883

       I think this kind of sucks...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Not Wrongdots

    I know it can't work
    But that doesn't mean it's wrong
    You can stay here beside me
    Even if you can't belong

    I know you don't love me
    But it doesn't mean you won't
    There are pieces of me you'll come to admire
    Even those I don't

    I know I'm not the thing you've lost
    But I can be the one you desire
    I am the mender of broken fences
    And I know how to stoke the fire

    I know I'm not your hippie princess
    I know I can be so much more
    Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore

    I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me
    Put aside your fears and doubts
    And you might discover this was meant to be.

    Submitted on 2007-10-20 16:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oh raivn. this was horribly sad for me after last night. you could be a hippie princess if you wanted to be, you just have to find the right stoner prince to sweep you off your feet.

    "Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore"
    i hate that this sounds the way it does. it sounds like you are pleading, begging.

    "I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me"
    that is the truest and best bit of this whole thing

    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it,s not bad, it flows well, and the idea is good.you are longing for someone who doesn,t feel the same feelings for you.

    "I know I can be so much more
    I can still remain your whore"

    i think thats a bit of a contradiction,your,e selling yourself cheaply then you say you can be so much more.just my opinion.

    "I am the mender of broken fences"
    maybe you should change fences to bridges,it fits the subject better.
    like i said just my opinion.

    maybe you should spend more time on it.
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]

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