[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: It's Not Wrongdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 883

       I think this kind of sucks...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Not Wrongdots

    I know it can't work
    But that doesn't mean it's wrong
    You can stay here beside me
    Even if you can't belong

    I know you don't love me
    But it doesn't mean you won't
    There are pieces of me you'll come to admire
    Even those I don't

    I know I'm not the thing you've lost
    But I can be the one you desire
    I am the mender of broken fences
    And I know how to stoke the fire

    I know I'm not your hippie princess
    I know I can be so much more
    Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore

    I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me
    Put aside your fears and doubts
    And you might discover this was meant to be.

    Submitted on 2007-10-20 16:39:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oh raivn. this was horribly sad for me after last night. you could be a hippie princess if you wanted to be, you just have to find the right stoner prince to sweep you off your feet.

    "Even if you won't let me protect your heart
    I can still remain your whore"
    i hate that this sounds the way it does. it sounds like you are pleading, begging.

    "I know you and I will never work
    But I can't say that the reason is me"
    that is the truest and best bit of this whole thing

    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it,s not bad, it flows well, and the idea is good.you are longing for someone who doesn,t feel the same feelings for you.

    "I know I can be so much more
    I can still remain your whore"

    i think thats a bit of a contradiction,your,e selling yourself cheaply then you say you can be so much more.just my opinion.

    "I am the mender of broken fences"
    maybe you should change fences to bridges,it fits the subject better.
    like i said just my opinion.

    maybe you should spend more time on it.
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]