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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Knowledge or Joy?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: albery rinash
    ASL Info:    18/M/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 86/40/22
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 143
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1252



    Description:
       I greatly appreciate any comments you can make! Also, please tell me any parts you can't understand, so I can know how much of what I intend to convey, actually gets conveyed!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKnowledge or Joy?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And oft in me, debate there rages:
    which the king, and which the pawn?
    and which subjective, which imper'tive?
    guilding Joy or guiding Knowledge?

    Knowledge, O Enlightening!
    Thou wood that queenest burning minds!
    Each dawn, entreats me out of bed,
    to seek thy wholesome scent, which may
    be pungent, but is true. The best,
    the bane, of thee
    is Voyage.

    Joy, you're Enlightened. With light-hearted feeling, sensation appealing, you circle me. Chirping,
    caress me,but sound none you make, lest I
    wake from my bed. You would turn all my days into night-time, when flowing as sticky as honey, you
    drip in me comfily blissful.
    Your virtue is solely in taste,
    you miragulous Terminus!

    To El Doradic Destination,
    long unending paths I'll rake,
    through sands of Knowledge hot, entropic;
    so keep raking, still keep raking,
    each grain of sand my constant Joy.

    Till Joy's good-night,
    each precious day,
    I'll ardent earn
    my hourly Knowledge,
    always earning, always earning,
    each second's cent my constant Joy.




    Submitted on 2007-10-20 22:55:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      it seems to me that you change the tone of this piece after the first stanza. i am not sure why but it seems either out of place or that you started out writing and your ideas overrode the style you wrote.

    after the first stanza the words are awkward and hard to understand lacking the fluidity contained in the first stanza.

    i think you could make this more. i am not sure how because i cannot pinpoint what it is that isnt working for me though.

    i like that you seem to end up with both knowledge and joy though your thoughts on the possibility of which seem to have evolved throughout the place to a point where you are able to accept the idea that both are attainable and possible...

    interesting thought.
    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is twisted because it relies on one detail as a given, wherein it's merely surmised. Whereby I must underline:
    "Joy, you're Enlightened."
    I can't just go around throwing abound such statements without echeloning my underfoot! Look, these 3/4 words could be interpreted two different ways. One being that since aforementioned knowledge is enlightening, then would be joy that state of absolute knowledge wherein you've learnt all. Or, we speak in terms of antagonists and you have here blissful ignorance, being an almost religious rapture answering all of life's questions, in spite of uncertainty. I've no clue, to be honest with you, what miragulous means; is it some kind of old english twist, or some recent word? Same goes for doradic and nighteous.

    Alright, now to digress about appreciation. I love the first line because on its own I can identify with it, and I sincerely seldom hear people use that specific enunciation of the thought. A small aesthetic nuance that I also enjoyed was how the strophe about knowledge seemed clear cut, whereas the one about joy seemed copiously stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey. Another detail I noticed was how your transitioned between the last word of each stanza and the first of the next, though I assume this was unintentional since you broke conformity in the last transition. Just out of preference and maybe to fall into your linguistic theme a little more I felt as if Journey could've been substituted with Wayfare. It encompasses that meaning you're going more than Journey, whilst satiating your minimalism.
    "You would turn all my days into night-time"
    Maybe a bit out of context but I also very much enjoyed this verse because it felt almost romantic, ascending to that blissful existence without needing reality, in that almost heavenly epiphany that reality and dreams are unified. I don't know if you've much knowledge about the romantic era, but I must say it is certainly one worth looking into (to get a better squiz ).

    You depart from debate with this line : "Like junkfood, your virtue is taste, you miragulous Terminus!" Or so I find. You suddenly take up a note of aggressiveness against Joy, almost aspersing it. You then fall into that nobility game, righteousness within ignorance of choosing one over the other, yonder insinuating that through one the other will be obtained. I don't know if I'd take the same perspective as you on this, though I know many who would.

    Nietzsche once compared us to animals, calling them superior in their joy and us envious in our awareness/cynicalism/depressing existence because the thing we are aware of is our past, and it controls us. To that I'd say, that though animals are "happy" by our own definition, they aren't aware of that fact and cannot appreciate in themselves as we do in them. Blissful joy isn't an eternal stance in which one is happy, it's an impending ennui waiting to happen - if you are following me.

    I think I've been garrulous enough for today.

    -Prom
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      A superbly writing poem, comparing knowledge and joy. Well, I prefer to have joy, because it peace and harmony in life.

    The Old English style of writing is artistic and fluent. I am impress with your expansive vocabulary and mastery of the English language.

    Poem project imagery, color and tone. Also, poem sing with resonance.

    Nice stuff. Please stop by to read and comment on my poem titled:If I should Say.


    FireFly747
    | Posted on 2007-10-20 00:00:00 | by FireFly747 | [ Reply to This ]



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