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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    19/m/Snohomish Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.2 - 35/48/43
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 117
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 835



    Description:
       It was a VERY memorable homecoming.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just one kiss is all I’d need
    To be happy in this world
    Just one kiss is all I’ll need
    To be rich among the pearls

    Just one kiss is all I’ll need
    To have faith in God above
    Just one kiss, from you to me
    God will bless our lips; our love

    I cannot imagine
    What would come about
    If I just held you close
    And closed my eyes

    I could only dream of the
    Bliss that I would feel if
    Only we keep closer then this

    But I will keep on dreaming
    And I will keep on feeling
    A light that keeps on healing
    My flawed heart

    Just one kiss, is all I’ll miss
    After our perfect abscond
    Just your kiss is all I’ll need
    To be happy in this world




    Submitted on 2007-10-21 03:21:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      its really hard to write originally about kisses be it one or a million. everyone has yearned for a kiss from their love and most have tried to write about it and express the intensity of their longing and the satisfaction of recieving the kiss but because everyone has tried to write of such things and because it is very hard to find words to express for the most part it causes all of the pieces to sound the same

    when i read your pearls line near the start of the piece all i could think of was 'dont cast your pearls before swine' which is obviously not what your intention was but it seems like such a misplaced image to me... there is nothing to ground it.

    do you realise that the second last stanza rhymes the first three lines which is in contradiction to the rest of the piece...? personally id try to change it somehow...
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I can kind of relate to this from where I stand right now...my fiance has been overseas for the past 4 months...and he comes back home in 3 weeks...this makes me think of how I feel without him, and how I will feel once he is finally back with me. Thank you for sharing.

    I love the line that says "rich among the pearls." i dont know why but that stood out the most to me. I think it would be great if you could add more imagery such as that.

    In the third stanza, I get caught up a little bit since you used the word "close" twice. Even though they are used in different forms, it just throws me off a little bit.

    And in the fourth stanza....the last line makes me wonder if it would make more sense..or flow better if it said:
    "I could only dream of the
    Bliss that I would feel if
    Only we [kept] closer th[a]n this."

    Just a thought. you might very well prefer to keep it the other way.

    Anyway, I like the feeling of this...its like you just cant wait to be with that person again and you miss them so much. Happy reunions are always nice! :)

    Amber
    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by Amberdy | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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