Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Secret..."dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Drifting Star
    ASL Info:    19/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    2.02 - 22/101/73
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1390



    Description:
        **WARNING**: There's nothing pornographic here, only ...it's featuring a shotacon theme! For those who don't know, shotacon is a romantic relationship (not necessarily sexual) between two males, vastly separated by age, usually young and teen.

    This is written for the Shotacon challenge on WICKYPOP and it's based loosely on a published graphic novel.

    This is installment three of five.

    Far From Elite

    -Sennie.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Secret..."dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A child though he is,
    he knows things;
    knows that the secrets he keeps--
    are just that--secrets.

    But lying in bed and staring at the roof
    while the rest of his little house is still,
    he curls into a ball and caresses the pillow--
    begging for something in absolute silence.

    It's not something he can explain to anyone;
    it's a secret, right?--No one can know.
    Know how much he misses strong hands holding him
    and gentle lips whispering velvety things in his ear.

    Dark and brooding, they call him
    but his lover says he is beautiful--
    he calls him pretty and says he loves him;
    is love a secret, too?

    No, no, no--he's smarter than that!
    He's no baby to ask stupid questions;
    He whimpers into his pillow and then sighs
    because he's so hopelessly twisted around.

    His mind reels and he closes his eyes--still, pure
    He wills away a steady sapphire gaze;
    sapphire eyes peeking from beneath blonde hair--
    and a smile that shatters him every time.

    Secrets, secrets; so many, so dangerous--
    a chill dances down his spine and he curls,
    curls tighter into himself and smiles sardonically;
    he's so young to be so bitter.

    **




    Submitted on 2007-10-21 13:02:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was good as well.

    I like stanza 1
    He knows he is young, but it seems his secret is not that important to him or just at the moment, but he still knows it is a secret.
    The last line in the stanza you said: “are just that--secrets.”
    If I was you I would have said “are just --secrets.”

    Stanza 2 is my fav:
    “But lying in bed and staring at the roof
    while the rest of his little house is still”
    I like this, his little house may be a reference to how young he is. “While”, it’s like he is screaming inside but his little body “little house” does not react.

    “he curls into a ball and caresses the pillow--
    begging for something in absolute silence.”
    The silence a contrast to the above statement, this may be just a physical silence.
    “Something” almost like he is not sure what he is begging for.

    One realize in the last stanza that he is almost tricked into a relationship, because of his age, also that he is not young enough to realize that it might be wrong. He know how dangerous this is, hence all the secrets.

    I really like this :)


    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
      But lying in bed and staring at the roof
    while the rest of his little house is still,
    he curls into a ball and caresses the pillow--
    begging for something in absolute silence.

    You really captured that feeling...the longing and regret that comes in the middle of the night.

    Secrets, secrets; so many, so dangerous--
    a chill dances down his spine and he curls,
    curls tighter into himself and smiles sardonically;
    he's so young to be so bitter.

    Very nice...I can see this. Like I've said before...it's not my choice of subjects, but you do it well.
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151466

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry