Actually, I like this a lot. I think it's better than Sky's Viewpoint. Again, the first stanza is weak: I think you might be able to start with the second stanza if you edited it a bit. I think you should work on the image of the hooked fish: it's powerful. Third stanza I think you could break from the rhyming pattern. It may just be me, but I think it'd have more impact if it was just: Too bad she smacked his hand back And said: "To hell with you These mind games drive me crazy.
I think only you can work on this poem, so I can't offer many more suggestions, but I think this is good. My advice would be not to feel like you have to stick to a rigid structure or rhyme pattern in your poetry, although if it's what works for you, that's fine of course.
thats awesome meh don't listin to this sugarmouse shes all like you write good for your age holy crap shes only 17 no offence anways i thought it was a great write i really like the ending [Your little ride is finished Game over, and I win."] i thought was was crazy good well i liked it (thumbs up)