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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Dusty Pianodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: melancholystar
    ASL Info:    21 f
    Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 611/311/33
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       I used to play the piano very often and stopped playing for about year.. until today.. This piece is very different from my normal stlyle.. I don't usally repeat the same thing over as I do here with "The piano" I also used a different rhyme scheme then usual... so give me your thoughts, comments, and advice on it! (And if you have time comment on my other works! Muah!)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Dusty Pianodots
    -------------------------------------------


    I had a craving today,
    To sit down and play,
    My old best friend,
    The piano.

    I hadnít played for a year,
    And I yearned to hear,
    My partner in crime,
    The piano.

    My fingers caressed the keys,
    As they swam across seas,
    Singing with my comrade,
    The piano.

    The keys were dusty,
    The seat was musty,
    But I stuck with my buddy,
    The piano.

    After playing my melodies,
    I smiled happily,
    To remember that I loved,
    My piano.




    Submitted on 2004-06-22 23:37:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is just awesome! A really well written, wonderful poem! I too, play the piano. I don't own one anymore but I used to and it was a favorite thing to do and a wonderful way to relax and bring people together! I think you have done a lovely job writing this piece and I enjoyed reading it! It brought back some memories for me! Thanks and take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a great piece...some people commented that using the line "my piano" so many times threw it off, but I think it makes it stand out more...I've been learning how to play the guitar myself...
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by t0_eazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely done. I'm suprised that this is not your usual style, because you wrote it so gracefully. It flowed and was neither happy nor sad. It gave me a feeling of nastalga, and I loved that. Congratulations on a wonderful work of art.
    It's hard to write out of the style and rhyme you're used to, so this works even better for me. I hope you experiment more with things such as this.
    Great Job!
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem. i like what it's about... and where it was going. i wish you would have used a different word instead of buddy and i wish you wouldn't have reapeated piano so much but good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this very much. It shows the relationship many people have with music, as you call the piano your "buddy", "comrade","partner in crime" etc. and it also shows the images and feelings that music can create like the sea etc. Very good imagery in this poem aswell.

    Aimee xxx
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by xdollpartsx | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is great...i too love to play the piano, it is so relaxing. i liked your rhyme scheme on this one, the flow was smooth and carefree...excellent!
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by trmbngrl | [ Reply to This ]
      I play piano, and I must say that this one hits close to home. I had a really hard time with tendinitis (from playing) and couldn't play, and that it exactly how i felt. I really like how you desribed it as, "My fingers caressed the keys,
    As they swam across seas,
    Singing with my comrade,
    The piano."
    It makes it really sound like something you miss. Love it!
    -becca*
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhh i loved the fact that you ended every stanza with "the piano" more than life itself. So smooth.. ok this and hhmm what was that other one...I think teddy bear...are my favs so far..awesome. I laughed while reading this cause it was so cool and so nice...oh my you play the piano too. what the hell. You can do amazing academicaly, you can act, dance, play the piano. I never really understood how some can do all this stuff...read my journal entry talks a little about it. Congrats.. I admire you so much. Keep it up..

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the pleasent simplicity of this piece, the flow is perfect for the intended meaning. I loved how you finished each stanza with "The piano". This poem is truly complete and clean. Nicely done, indeed. :)
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for your comment...teenage years are rough, but life goes on I supppose. The piano is such a beautiful instrument and I think you really portrayed that in this piece, in the way that you related so closely to the piano.
    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for your comment...teenage years are rough, but life goes on I supppose. The piano is such a beautiful instrument and I think you really portrayed that in this piece, in the way that you related so closely to the piano.
    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      i always wanted to play piano..anyways...i like this and repeating piano...makes the poem sound good im not really into repetion cause most people kill it but you used it well...sounds like you've been reunited with a long lost friend...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh, and I forgot to mention how much I love your picture. "Ahh, but you HAVE heard of me..." Jack Sparrow is the best pirate ever...hehe
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwwwwww! I'm sorry, I know cuteness was not a goal here, but I can't help but love this. I don't know how you managed to quit playing the piano. I can't function well if I go too long without playing. But this poem perfectly captures the feelings felt when you finally take a seat on the bench, after a long siesta. The only thing that I would change would be all 'the piano's to 'my piano'. "I smiled happily
    To remember that I loved
    My piano."

    But either way, the personification was really well done, and this is mos def a new fave.
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't really play piano... I can play like two songs that I figured out, Fur Elise and Let It Be... but I can relate to this because our family sort of just has a piano... and we all know like 2 songs on it so it hardly ever gets played :P My mom's a neat-freak though so when it gets dusty she makes sure that it's wiped off.

    What I'm trying to say is I like the poem. Keep up the good work :)
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Inkybro | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes yes yes I definitely love this one! The repetition, mentioned in your description, certainly isn't detrimental. It kinda brings out the flow, and the way you've personified the piano gives the piece an almost humorous feel. . . sorry if you weren't shooting for that. My favorite line was
    "I hadnít played for a year,
    And I yearned to hear,
    My partner in crime,
    The piano."
    Very cool and witty. Great write!
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]


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