[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fugitivedots

    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1307
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 563


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The only thing this poem lacks

    is a great line about that flash

    that was in my head this morning flopping

    in and out between dream and waking

    like an impassioned salmon jumping upstream Ė

    silver shimmer on the lam.

    The moment it leaps out of the water again

    Iíll catch it barehanded, and wrestle it down

    so fast it wonít have time to call its lawyer

    before itís deboned and dressed for dinner.

    Submitted on 2007-10-21 20:44:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       a poem like a fish...metaphorically, we catch the thought, the piece is there, we have no net to secure it...it's in our hands, on the hook...and as soon as we take the hook out of it and start to write it down...we sometimes lose it..

    i get up in the middle of the night so often...when it's there i grab it and put it on the stringer...otherwise it's just a fish story..and i have no poem.

    very cool write here.. i enjoy your work, annie...

    i really like the lawyer part especially.

    will be back for more

    | Posted on 2011-02-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      A few years ago, I took my baby cousin to the carnival for her birthday. There were fireworks that night, there were a lot of people in beautifully extravagant costumes and a lot of lights. I got on this ride called "the Flying Fiesta..."

    ...which basically swings you around so fast that it seems as though it would hurl you at the moon. It lasted for 3 minutes (I think) and during that time, I wrote in my head what might have been one of the best pieces of literature I've ever written at that time. But since we were in a carnival and my cousin wanted to get on the Anchors Away I decided to not write it just yet.

    When I got home, the piece was already gone. I could no longer find the words. It felt as though the piece felt neglected and just decided to disappear.

    I can probably write pieces that are better than that one nowadays. But I stilled would've loved to have written that one.

    The thing about life is that, while taking it too seriously takes the fun out of it, there are a lot of oppurtunities that may only come once. It is so unpredictable that we have to capitalize on every single chance to make ourselves better people. And if we miss that chance, all we can really do is get over it and try to do better next time. And in the process of getting over it, there is a space inside us that feels abandoned, and that is probably one of the worst feelings ever.

    Anyway, this is a pretty good piece. I like the solidity and the light-heartedness that, in a way, compliments without aggravating the weight brought by the piece.

    | Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a very funny poem! The second last line, especially, is classic.

    I would suggest you add in a pun about the double meaning of "line"(as fishing gear, and a grammatical entity).
    I like the pun on "dressed", as in an idea has to be fashioned for the audience, and fish have to seasoned and polished off. The alliteration is a bonus.

    "in and out between dream and waking"
    how about:
    in and out between knowing and not knowing

    Take care!
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by albery rinash | [ Reply to This ]
      the one that got away...

    when i think fisherman i think "the only time a fisherman tells the truth is when he calls another a liar" though i am not looking to insinuate you are lying.

    this makes me think of the tenacious d song 'tribute' which is a song sung in tribute to the greatest song in the world though it sounds nothing like the song... its quite funny.
    and to think you have written a poem about the poem idea that got away... thats quite witty of you

    your image of the salmon upstream is cool... dont they jump upstream in order to find their mate and make eggs or something? kinda cool... like a forerunner of pieces to come and seasons past.
    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another piece on the flash-thought of futility. We are always wrestling with dreams which have a seemingly purpose but just as the salmon there is no after joy.
    I would have put third line in parentheses or separated it with commas since it is an after-thought of what the flash was doing. The same can be said about line 6. The purpose of punctuation here would be like you are in the presence of the reader actually giving out other small pieces of information to enhance your face to face conversation. As is, there is no breath-stop for the reader to digest what has been said,thus, reducing the piece to saying ,"Let's get it over with."
    Otherwise, it is an enjoyable piece of comedy.

    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      hehehe... I wrote the big one once but it got away. No seriously....I swear.

    I genuinely enjoy I can't write a poem poems... for the simple fact that I so completely understand. I lose bits and pieces all the time lost in my time warped mind.

    I like the simple 'gotcha' humor in this as well as the fish metaphor....slice 'em and dice 'em I always say.
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]