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    dots Submission Name: For my lovers which left me colddots

    Author: Jakirina
    ASL Info:    19/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 216/200/80
    Words: 322
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1258
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2184

       And there are the sonnets.
    If anyone's confused they're all poisons.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor my lovers which left me colddots

         :A cluster of Sonnets

    Antimony, my delicate flower
    with smoke-darkened eyes, my heart has failed
    for you, never to beat for another.
    Yet though my thrumming love has quailed,
    each time I gaze into my goblet of wine
    I see you, my cunning Egyptian goddess,
    dancing to the sound of silver and lace, fine
    bronze skin rippling in warm numb finesse.
    And as the cool wine passes through my lips
    I taste your essence, rust and salty-sweet.
    Suddenly I taste the past as heaving grips
    throat and belly to purge my greed, deplete
    my mass and prepare me for the sorrow
    still passionately furrowing my brow.

    Hemlock, of you I write, of you I sing,
    I watched you hide within tranquil waters
    tempting wise men to heaven, they who bring
    you nothing but their novel thoughts which deter
    from the shut-in nothingness all minds share.
    In your apathy you steel their sense in mesh
    of judgments as you did mine without care.
    I grasp fire sacrificing my flesh
    in desperate hope youíll bring my feeling back
    and release your hold upon my limbs to
    finally let me fall before your lilac
    skirts and let me feel the jagged stones you
    have flourished upon--while my words sharply
    fade as you kneel upon my chest, mourning quietly.

    Cyanide, your precious gifts of dulcet
    cherries, plums, peaches and gently blushing
    laurels, keep my reason your marionette.
    Your eyes, rotten pits, burn in my dreaming
    and sear my pupils while my conscious lies clear,
    Their beauty captivating my soft frail
    exhales and holding them before me, I fear
    even then Iíll live savoring your taste, an assail
    of bitter almonds, pungent as sulfur.
    Yet the anguish of my shattered ardor
    simply caresses my willingness to further
    comply with your insatiable lust for
    my cyan flesh gracious beneath your glass
    whip. Sorry but I must politely pass.

    Submitted on 2007-10-22 15:32:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You are most certainly a sonneteer of a very high rank! I love sonnets, and these are just fine, bitterly satric, but fine. I loved them. Like Oliver asked in the Dickens' novel: "more, more please!" loved 'em, loved 'em!.... michael
    | Posted on 2007-11-21 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      These were really great. You're still dwelling in the dark, but I can't deny the beauty of these pieces. I had a problem with the flow in the last few lines of Hemlock and the last couple of lines of Cyanide. I don't really have any suggestions though. Again, I enjoyed the read.
    Looking forward to a happy poem :)
    j/k be yourself, stay original.

    | Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      and sear my pupils while my [conscious] lies clear, = conscience?

    for my lovers which left me cold - antimony, hemlock. cyanide.

    this is very well concieved and i have to say that i didnt even notice i was reading sonnets [which is a good thing] usually the rhyme scheme of sonnets seems so forced that i just shudder lol. i never noticed your rhyming once.

    and whats more you knew what you were speaking of and didnt try to confuse the reader with unnecessary words that look pretty but serve no purpose.

    i like the way each sonnet is dedicated to one lover [and the way that the poison referred to could be a codename for someone bearing those traits] and yet all three of the sonnets together work together to make a bigger picture...

    this is stunning work here.
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm I'm not sure thinking thinking of your past lovers as poisins is healthy but it is certainly natural especially if that is what they did to your spirit. This is a very smart write, beautiful in a most cynical way, i can definately apprecite it.

    | Posted on 2007-10-22 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]

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