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chilly exhalations


Author: EEKS
Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647 /1206 /773
Words: 202
Class/Type: Random Thoughts /Serious
Total Views: 928
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1216



Description:




chilly exhalations



Its a New York city night in this small corner of downtown hicktown
Cold and crowded
Rocked up onto the sidewalk, shoved into cracked walls
I quit smoking and Im dying just as quick by secondhand
Some of you smoke to be cool, or for some imaginary release with an exhale of breath and a flick of the wrist
I smoked to hurt,
to feel something real like cancer,
instead of my fake anemic diseases...
But I quit.. Decided to live this one out
Instead of hoping for Zen Physics [the art of reincarnation]
Im trying to sit Indian style on my cluttered floor in the middle of my chaos
and breathe
in the noise
out the mouth
Pain in
Grief out
Its not curing this...
Because I think, and this is just me, that sadness is not the sickness
Happiness is the virus
I wish it were a disease
My ears are tipped with ice, and Im dripping icicles
I want to purge this coldness, I want to push it on someone like you, someone who could handle it
Its eating me from the inside out...
Gnawing at my stomach and every breath is another chipped tooth
Save me Sunshine.




Submitted on 2007-10-23 16:54:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like this. One of the things that fascinates me about writing is the insight you get into other people's minds.

in the noise
out the mouth

noise- is that a typo, or very clever word use?

I think my only issue with this is that it lacks punctuation. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it would be nice if there were at least apostrophes where they're supposed to be.

Otherwise, very well-written and very thought-provoking.

keep writing
~Venia
| Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, I really like it.

I think it's very different.

Because I think, and this is just me, that sadness is not the sickness
Happiness is the virus
I wish it were a disease

I really like that...cause what seems to be the more widespread emotion...sadness. Maybe happiness is a virus...it does make you stupid sometimes.

I quit smoking and Im dying just as quick by secondhand
Some of you smoke to be cool, or for some imaginary release with an exhale of breath and a flick of the wrist
I smoked to hurt,
to feel something real like cancer,
instead of my fake anemic diseases...

Awesome...

I love it!
| Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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