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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: chilly exhalationsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EEKS
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647/1206/773
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 511
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotschilly exhalationsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its a New York city night in this small corner of downtown hicktown
    Cold and crowded
    Rocked up onto the sidewalk, shoved into cracked walls
    I quit smoking and Im dying just as quick by secondhand
    Some of you smoke to be cool, or for some imaginary release with an exhale of breath and a flick of the wrist
    I smoked to hurt,
    to feel something real like cancer,
    instead of my fake anemic diseases...
    But I quit.. Decided to live this one out
    Instead of hoping for Zen Physics [the art of reincarnation]
    Im trying to sit Indian style on my cluttered floor in the middle of my chaos
    and breathe
    in the noise
    out the mouth
    Pain in
    Grief out
    Its not curing this...
    Because I think, and this is just me, that sadness is not the sickness
    Happiness is the virus
    I wish it were a disease
    My ears are tipped with ice, and Im dripping icicles
    I want to purge this coldness, I want to push it on someone like you, someone who could handle it
    Its eating me from the inside out...
    Gnawing at my stomach and every breath is another chipped tooth
    Save me Sunshine.




    Submitted on 2007-10-23 16:54:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. One of the things that fascinates me about writing is the insight you get into other people's minds.

    in the noise
    out the mouth

    noise- is that a typo, or very clever word use?

    I think my only issue with this is that it lacks punctuation. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it would be nice if there were at least apostrophes where they're supposed to be.

    Otherwise, very well-written and very thought-provoking.

    keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, I really like it.

    I think it's very different.

    Because I think, and this is just me, that sadness is not the sickness
    Happiness is the virus
    I wish it were a disease

    I really like that...cause what seems to be the more widespread emotion...sadness. Maybe happiness is a virus...it does make you stupid sometimes.

    I quit smoking and Im dying just as quick by secondhand
    Some of you smoke to be cool, or for some imaginary release with an exhale of breath and a flick of the wrist
    I smoked to hurt,
    to feel something real like cancer,
    instead of my fake anemic diseases...

    Awesome...

    I love it!
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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