Under the Sheets -------------------------------------------
the best time of my life is under the sheets
with nothing but laughter and playful moods
all that could be heard and seen is the giggling and sheets moving
a smile never fades when i'm staring into your eyes
i resist the urge to blink because i'm afraid i might be dreaming
to hold you close within my arms when we sleep is amazing
but i have to admit i'm staring at you when you sleep
and the way your body breathes makes my heart sink
is it possible to be in love with you more than i already am?
if so...i totally am
I have to say, when I first glanced at the title of this piece, I thought it was going to be more sexual, but I found it to be more about love than the sexual pleasures. I can really relate to this poem, and I think that everyone who's ever been in love would be able to relate to it to.
The only part I didn't like was the last line. If you ask me, the "totally" just completely ruined the entire piece because it takes away from the seriousness of the subject and made me think of teenagers who're in love with everyone they go out with.
Very Well Said
One caneasily feel the Love you share with your Soulmate
My only advice is to make this write less sexual
Im sure there is more reasons then just sleeping together to show others how much you Love your soulmate
I stress that is just my opinion
I would never tell someone how to write as writing is very personal
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Ok So I'm not the one to talk about style only because the author intended it to be then so be it..but maybe the structure will be a problem for others if they come off their horse and comment...I felt as if ok love is an obvious theme..that love where you can spend hours on hours watching the other sleep and then you yourself fall asleep watching them..glad this wasn't what I thought it was..very light hearted which is refreshing..Was this spontaneous..well all poems are but I mean from your head? I also might add that this line to me didn't add to the work itself only threw me off ...blame it on my slowness lol...
.."all that could be heard and seen is the giggling and sheets moving" not into it but no gonna knock..look forward to seeing more..