I completely agree with tiff. I can only add that this piece seems more a collection of random thoughts rather than a smooth flowing piece. Perhaps utilize more imagry in metaphors. There is potential here just untapped.
i am questioning your use of double spacing here? it doesnt seem to contribute anything to the piece.
i have read a lot of poems about insomnia over my time on this site. i suffer from insomnia and figure i may as well read about something i know. i know nothing about cutting or love so i stay away from those pieces
i think you are on the way to having a good piece here but i think you have made too general a feel out of your word choice and the agony of being unable to sleep even though your body is so weary and you feel ill from deprivation doesnt seem to manifest itself in this piece.
but thats not to say it cant.
you just have to be more focussed and channel your energies to making the reader experience the hopelessness of the situation.
you have made many broad sweeping statements right throughout this piece which doesnt make the piece personal. what is the pain you speak of? why is it robbing your sleep? if you were to detail this more then the reader would maybe be able to think "yes... that keeps me awake at night too..."
dont stop here.
keep messing with this piece.
i am sure you can make it into a masterpiece yet