I dunno much about haiku, except I like them, and I liked yours! I think they're successful because I and the other commenters have got vivid imagery and an interesting thought or sentiment out of each one.
While I'm not much on writing haiku type stuff I like to read it. It creates a picture in my head when I read it. Some times they're funny sometimes not but here's what I got...it's probably in no way relevent to what you intended but here it is...
I see someone staring down a jug of milk at the grocery store yelling "I know you're hiding something":)
Someone sitting in class watching the wind taunt the flag. Which for me was much more entertaining than a chemistry lecture.
I see ambition, if it can be seen, and lots of intelligence, "buzzing by math."
Jotting down lines upon lines of, poetry maybe, or possibly just thoughts and frustrations.
haiku are traditionally about nature and i can almost see why when i read this in some ways.
you have done well. everything works as it should. you have the syllable count perfect and you have imagery but there just doesnt seem to be the beauty that haiku are able to deliver.
i think buzzing by math is a good thing though. i have a girl who comes over for me to help her study for her exams coming up and tonight we were looking at expanding equations... sheeesh... i havent done that in the longest time [coz one never needs such knowledge when theyre done with school] lol
and i had to reteach myself the whole thing so i could teach her and was having moments of longing to buzz by math and onto english haha.
not that i know anything about english when the truth is told...
You start in the morning, end with words. Its simple and plain, as it should be due to haiku right? I like the end with a flurry of ink, its quick, such a clean finish, some might find too soon. You have a nice description of the bumble bee part of you, so you're a dedicated student? Anyway, great piece.
Submission Name: Creative Writing, 10/24/07
