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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Creative Writing, 10/24/07dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Haiku/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 342



    Description:
       These were written for Ms Ashburn. Ugh, I don't think I can do Haikus well. They are supposed to be about school stuff.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCreative Writing, 10/24/07dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stare into the
    crate of milk; it's shadowy
    depths a prophecy

    The flag waves slowly
    in the Autumnal winds on
    a cool afternoon

    I am a bumble
    bee in a field of lazy
    flies; buzzing by math

    An epiphany
    creativity strikes me
    a flurry of ink




    Submitted on 2007-10-24 14:18:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I dunno much about haiku, except I like them, and I liked yours! I think they're successful because I and the other commenters have got vivid imagery and an interesting thought or sentiment out of each one.
    | Posted on 2008-01-21 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      While I'm not much on writing haiku type stuff I like to read it. It creates a picture in my head when I read it. Some times they're funny sometimes not but here's what I got...it's probably in no way relevent to what you intended but here it is...

    I see someone staring down a jug of milk at the grocery store yelling "I know you're hiding something":)

    Someone sitting in class watching the wind taunt the flag. Which for me was much more entertaining than a chemistry lecture.

    I see ambition, if it can be seen, and lots of intelligence, "buzzing by math."

    Jotting down lines upon lines of, poetry maybe, or possibly just thoughts and frustrations.

    Good writing,
    Owl
    | Posted on 2007-10-29 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the last two haikus. But I especially love the Bumble bee one. It is so random, and it makes me laugh.

    Nicely
    | Posted on 2007-10-26 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      haiku are traditionally about nature and i can almost see why when i read this in some ways.

    you have done well. everything works as it should. you have the syllable count perfect and you have imagery but there just doesnt seem to be the beauty that haiku are able to deliver.

    i think buzzing by math is a good thing though. i have a girl who comes over for me to help her study for her exams coming up and tonight we were looking at expanding equations... sheeesh... i havent done that in the longest time [coz one never needs such knowledge when theyre done with school] lol
    and i had to reteach myself the whole thing so i could teach her and was having moments of longing to buzz by math and onto english haha.

    not that i know anything about english when the truth is told...
    | Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I am not a fan of haiku...but you did an okay job.

    The last was the best

    I read the bee one, and it said "buzzing by math" but i misread and thought math was meth...

    And I laughed.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Splitting up words such as bumble bee is bad in haiku's.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Derrick Thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      You start in the morning, end with words. Its simple and plain, as it should be due to haiku right? I like the end with a flurry of ink, its quick, such a clean finish, some might find too soon. You have a nice description of the bumble bee part of you, so you're a dedicated student? Anyway, great piece.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]


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