Holy Smoked Bacon and Eggs, Batman! by Secrets Unheard

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Submission Name: Holy Smoked Bacon and Eggs, Batman! dots

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Author:	Secrets Unheard
ASL Info:	18/m/nj
Elite Ratio:	4.25 - 84/101/48
Words:	53

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	103
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	366

Description:
Short. Sweet. And to the point.

Holy Smoked Bacon and Eggs, Batman! dots

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I am decieving.
Who are you?
Enchanted to meet you, innocence.
I will strip you of everything that makes you saintly.

My waters may seem deep and unscathed but when you dive in, you'll crack your skull against the shallowest of surfaces.

You'll rest amongst the others.

Amongst their bones.

Submitted on 2007-10-24 19:07:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Holy acid trips, batman! We've been deceived!
And the colours are moving like pretty butterflies. Weeee!

Robin get back here! *Sigh*

You deceived me with this poem of open deceit. I want breakfast!

The title is funny. The poem more serious. That's good contrast.

"My waters may seem deep and unscathed but when you dive in, you'll crack your skull against the shallowest of surfaces." --> that's probably because the idiot didn't see the sign that said
'Shallow. Do not dive. Hey you, I see you, don't even think about diving. Hey! Stop...oh great. Emergency!'.

Hey! Cracking one's skull --> cracking eggs open! Ha ha! I found a connection!

| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
  I am [decieving] = deceiving (I before E except after C)

so the title does nothing for me at all.

deception can be a killer of innocence but then it can also be disguised as innocence too depending on who/what is using it as their chosen tool.

i would be keen to see more in this.
im not so convinced it is as to the point as you seem to think it is. just because the images make sense and are clear to you doesnt mean they are the reader.
i think you could do more with your idea in order that the reader is able to place a situation theyve been in with the poem and come out feeling cheated or wisened or something...
| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I opened this poem because of the title and the first line read “I am decieving.” (It’s deceiving :)) I liked that, clever.

You will deceive the innocent, when you are shallow, use and abuse like so many before.

I Liked it :)

| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
  soooo... wheres the bacon? the eggs? no toast and jam?
so deception is a real killer eh?
like when that car is coming a lot faster than it looks.
or the ground is much farther away then it appears to be.
or that piece of pizza is a lot hotter than you think.
"saintly" and "unscathed". hmm... i might experiment with some more word choices.
see what you come up with.
maybe expand upon the conversation a bit by introducing more examples of innocence being led astray.
just using the one could almost give a reader the impression the whole thing is about a mostly empty swimming pool.
decent stuff.
good start.
1
| Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]

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