In your mind (maybe) by Katlord

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Submission Name: In your mind (maybe) dots

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Author:	Katlord
ASL Info:	4927/F/USA
Elite Ratio:	2 - 358/168/71
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	141
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	741

Description:
I wrote this during class one day. To me it expresses how everthing can be taken badly when you say it to the wrong person. I mainly wrote this for a friend but if you have any ideas on how it can be improved please comment.

In your mind (maybe) dots

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The sun brings happiness,
light into your eyes.
Allowing lingering darkness
to cast shadows in your mind.

The way you think is one thing,
what you do is another.
Hidden voices whisper
their words like poison to the others.

You want to live
in a world made from fantasy.
Seeking what you want in life.
Unsure of your 'true' destiny.

You continue your searching,
Allowing your dreams to become reality.
The fact that it's all in your head
is merely a technicality.

You can live your life.
be who you want to be.
Doing what ever you want,
no one else will ever see

Submitted on 2007-10-25 10:39:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This poem is a great plot outline to my mind...you know me all to well... :D ...i enjoyed this much since it reminds me so much of many of my writings
| Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by iaida | [ Reply to This ]
  I think your poem has a great rhythm, but you have a few unnecessary commas in S1L3, S2L3, S3L1, and S4L3. Also, I think the flow of the line "what you do is another" would be improved if you took out the word "is." Oh, and last, I think that ending it with a question mark doesn't feel right. Maybe you should do ellipses.

Those are my only suggestions. I like the poem a lot. I totally know what you mean about how wrongly things can be interperted when you tell the wrong person. It's too bad people have to have to be so two-faced sometimes.

It really is a catchy poem! :)
| Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by carousels | [ Reply to This ]
  "The way you think is one thing,
what you do is another"

brilliant, and oh so true. i love how the writting is simple, but the meaning isnt. its a very catchy poem. i love it!
| Posted on 2007-10-26 00:00:00 | by stasisindarknes | [ Reply to This ]
  I will not comment the poem I will comment the poet ..
amm what I can say ..you are a talented poet thats for sure

know human nature like the back of your hand
and make poetry so easy to under stand

I like your poetry a lot the way you wording your thoughts and what you trying to say ..
good job ..
| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh i like this poem i think it had good imagry. yeh weird hu? oh well nice write.
| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]

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