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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breaksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Broken-lands
    ASL Info:    13/female/here
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 22/34/32
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 93
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1043



    Description:
       I was bored once again, and yes.. I AM 12 years old :P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreaksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    ~

    She places her feet on the cold floor,
    she walks around and locks the door.
    She’s scared to death and it shows,
    he’s watching her and he enjoys.

    He looks through a window,
    she writes a riddle.
    She thinks that writing
    may help her some,
    even though she’s sure it will
    change her none.

    She glances around the room,
    looking for a broom,
    the room is dirty,
    covered in blood.

    He stares at her,
    she looks at him.
    He wonders why,
    she’s scared of him.

    He walks around the room looking for it,
    he could not see it and stepped on it.
    He loved it with a passion but now it was gone,
    she loved him with a madness but showed no love.

    Now he turns back,
    while she just looks at his back.
    He glances back and never turns back.


    ~




    Submitted on 2007-10-26 15:23:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Im sorry, in a way it was a little unclear -_- but everything flows really nicely!!
    | Posted on 2007-11-22 00:00:00 | by Tomo | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree i think it needs more story for the glimpses i like your style of writing n try to be more expressive..anyways check out few of my poems n comment if u like
    ciao
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by anooplokur | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes the rhymes a little off but It has the structure and feel of a really good poem. the only recomendation I can make is maybe a little more substance to make it seem more cohesive? A litttle more story to tie the glimpses together. if that doesnt make sense sorry.
    josh
    | Posted on 2007-10-27 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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