"Am I different?" He asked her, staring at her with his lively blue eyes. The look he gave her reminded her that he was so like a child, just more deceptive, and more persuasive. He lied to please himself and others. He wanted to be lied to to be pleased as well. Those church floor eyes of his watched her intently, pleading with her. His hands held hers, a gesture of care and sincerity that helped enforce what she already knew he wanted to hear.
His eyes spoke in riddles, as did he when he opened his mouth, but that's another story. His eyes were pleading with her to say "Yes" and make him feel unique, to make it easier and more complex. At the same time, those eyes of his were pleading with her to say "No" to simply avoid the complication altogether. Either way, they both won, and they both lost. Neither tonight would come out a victor, that much she knew.
She froze. Her room seemed to become smaller, shrinking in size with each passing awkward moment. The music in the background distracted her momentarily as she pondered the situation. Should she tell the truth, or feed him lies? Should she make it easy or complicate it for both of them? She considered it for a long moment, trying to veil her inner affliction. She glanced around her room, it's cheery light air helped lift her spirits, and gave her more confidence to do what she must. She couldn't let him know what she was thinking, could She? No. And she especially couldn't let him know what she was feeling.That would break all of her rules. She took her time trying to carefully formulate her sentence into a witty reply. Finally, she opened her mouth, prepared to complicate things with a "No," but shocking herself, instead she heard the "Yes," that complex truth she had been trying to avoid telling both him, and herself, tumbled out to my own dismay. She sighed, that was not what she had meant to say. She looked at him, waiting for a reaction. The moments passed by slowly. Each tick of the clock felt like an eternity. But it was an eternity she wasn't quite ready to let go of, he was something sbe wasn't quite ready to let go of.
He smiled, one of those "I'm shocked but I'm not at the same time" smiles, and tilted his head slightly, and gave her the cute quizzical puppy face he used unknowingly when he was confused. "How?" He asked, focused intently on her and her answer. He wanted to hear praise, you could almost tell from the look of need on his face. He was a needy boy, he needed to feel special, and cared for. He needed attention. His eyes bored into hers. Once again those eyes were pleading for truth, and pleading for deception. She could almost visibly see the wheels in his head churning, wondering which she would choose--- a mendacious story, or a complex truth. He had no clue which was which. Neither of the two would be an easy admission.
His chest puffed out, he had the air about him of a little kid in elementary school that got to be line leader, proud and ready for praise. He was expecting to hear good things about himself, and how amazing he was. He wanted to know just why he was different. She opted for the easiest choice. She knew she couldn't begin to explain to him how he was different. Telling him that would break so many of her own personal emotional boundaries and barriers (which were there for a reason), and she had done plenty of that for the time being. "I don't know, but you are." She said innocently, pleading the fifth.
A skeptical look crossed his face. He doubted her. She would have too if she was him. In the background, the song changed from a slow song to a more upbeat and lively tune. This was her cue to change the subject. She knew it would come back up later, but by then, she would know what to say. They then began to sway slowly, contrasting the upbeat music radiating from the computer speakers. She was grateful for the distraction, which would give her time to formulate the right words to answer him in, because he needed the right words.
The song slowly came to an end, signaling the need to answer him. She looked into his eyes, full of questions, and knew just what to say. Although she feared this big of an admission, it was going to leak out sooner or later. She looked him dead in the face, wearing my most serious expression, "You are different, and you know it. You're unlike any boy ever before, you make me smile like a kid who's just entered Disney world for the first time when she's seeing all the rides for the first time. Being around you brings out parts of myself I haven't seen in a long time. Parts of myself I almost forgot existed. It's like I've woken from a sudden dream, and now I'm free to be myself, whereas before I was restricted to a strict seriousness. You bring out the child, and the happiness in me. It's crazy. You're different, and I adore you because of it."
He smiled brightly at her, he was appreciative. His eyes danced in childish glee. She knew she had done well, and she could honestly say she had told the truth, as complex to her as it seemed, as difficult as it was for her to do. Her head and her heart had battled it out internally, trying to decide if she should let him know how she felt. Sadly, a large portion of this had merely been an illusion. A manifestation of all of things she had wanted to tell him but couldn't. If her heart had won that night, he wouldn't be so skeptical.