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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Taming the Brokendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SorrowfulMind
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Alton, IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 27/39/13
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1219



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTaming the Brokendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've seen it through
    And made my choice
    Of which has been the hardest one to voice.

    My secrets hide,
    But soon unfold
    And slip into the issues not yet told.

    Intense abuse
    And rougher lies,
    But still so very fragile through your eyes.

    Bruised and beaten,
    No remorse,
    But life continutes on it's natural course.

    Spirit crushed,
    I stood my ground,
    And now a better life I've quickly found.

    Sunshine smile,
    Shining eyes,
    But I no longer live with that disguise.

    Living life,
    Enjoying time,
    So, after this, you'll never come to mind.

    You hurt me.
    You raped me.
    You lied, and you pained me.
    And, through this, you ashamed me.
    And I fell.

    You'd hug me.
    You'd kiss me.
    You'd tell me that you need me.
    I knew you didn't need me,
    So, I fell.

    You hurt me.
    You raped me.
    You lied, and you pained me.
    But, through it all, you tamed me.


    I'm alive.




    Submitted on 2007-10-28 22:45:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      really like it, i read the comment before mine and i do like "one" in line three but i do agree with them on switching "ashamed" to "shamed" another thing that i think puts i a kink in the flow is
    "You'd hug me.
    You'd kiss me.
    You'd tell me that you need me.
    I knew you didn't need me,
    So, I fell."
    I think you could take out "that" from the line "You'd tell me that you need me" because those first two lines come off fast and the pace is quickening and as you read your getting into it faster and then when you hit that "that" it slows and i was really liking the progressing of the piece, just some food for thought, keep spittin words sista
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by strokes | [ Reply to This ]
      the last two words say it all.
    so i'm not so sure i fully understand "but through it all you tamed me".
    this almost makes it sound as if the taming is a good thing.
    or do i misunderstand.
    personally i would drop "one" from line 3.
    it really doesn't seem necessary.
    "ashamed" should probably be "shamed".
    raw,powerful stuff.
    good then.
    1
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]


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