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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If Eve had not tasted the Appledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: albery rinash
    ASL Info:    18/M/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 86/40/22
    Words: 286
    Class/Type: Story/Satire
    Total Views: 125
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1756



    Description:
       I do not intend to be sacrilegious, so please don't cogitate on this austerely or unhumorously. This vignette is stylistically based on John Milton's Paradise Lost. How do you think it can be improved?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf Eve had not tasted the Appledots
    -------------------------------------------


    All was going as planned.

    Day would find Adam reposing in his shaded bower. He would wake to see rosy-fingered Dawn's caressing hand smoothing the creased brow of Night; to hear the multivarious sounds of domestic animals stirring from humble rest. But chiefly, to the exclusion of all vernal pleasures that Eden could afford, he would see the graceful Eve, with attendant love enhancing her feminine charms and natural beauty, bending over his breast with conjugal care. Then, Adam, Lord of Eden, would spring from his bed of roses, refreshed to meet the day's work by a rightly deserved night's rest.

    After observing God's glory through beseemly prayers, forth Adam and Eve would go, to tend to their chores in the garden, for yet while they had been sleeping peacefully, the garden had continued to flourish, and now needed to be curbed in its unwieldiness, lest it do itself harm, like a (fill epic metaphor). Forth, Adam, to trim unseemly bush edges, to disbar the militant creeper from invading the supposedly nuclearly-armed tree. Eve like a gardener-nurse would provide abortions to the fruit trees, to prevent their children fruit from overwhelming them, and dragging them to the ground, to the scorn of the Earth which produced them.

    A righteous day's labor put to rest, Adam and Eve would meet at waning light, and then go into scented bowers to partake themselves of all the fruit that conjugal bliss can give, and the human nature can receive. After this sacred copulation, they would lay themselves down to balmy sleep, hand in hand, their minds entwined in wedded harmony. So Night passed.

    Day would find Adam reposing in his shaded bower. He would wake...




    Submitted on 2007-10-29 01:57:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting to say the very least. I believe there is a line in the opening of Death Note you'd like:

    I believe in the future the forbiddn fruit foretells

    Yes you are definately someone to watch
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by Megsrus aka Meg | [ Reply to This ]
      gah.
    perfect.
    the way you insinuate every day is the same. perfect and idyllic.
    not without work/things to be done but without horrid toil and lack of peace.

    what i liked most about this imagery wise was eve conducting abortions on fruit trees... i thought that was really nifty. ive worked on an orchard over summer a few times and thinning trees [removing fruit before its very grown at all to allow the rest of the fruit to grow bigger without snapping the branch] seemed like such a waste to me until i had the reasons behind it explained to me...

    i am yet to read paradise lost but if it is anywhere near as easy to read as this was then i dont know why ive been putting it off. i own the abridged version i think... maybe i should pull it out and read it something.

    im quite jealous of your ability
    | Posted on 2007-10-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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