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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Treedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Broken
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 139/137/36
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 273
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Treedots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I started this journey we were meant to take
    I became tired mentally and decided to take a break
    But if only id known, I wouldn’t have rested too much
    And now I became misunderstood for the tree that stands such

    Its heavy rich roots have buried in the soil deep
    Made friends with all ages of people that it meets
    Stands in that same old place for many years I know not
    Still although it longs to motion, it really cannot.

    How can I remove the notion of this tree.
    Cut lose from my roots and seek my destiny.
    But although I deeply long, my path is a mist
    So rich and in depth the path is a miss




    Submitted on 2004-06-23 10:24:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this one was good, really, simple, with metaphors, and great! but yes use capitalisation, it helps making it even more better, and i feel instead of "longs to motion" put "longs to move" because motion is a noun, and i just dont think this reads well, but hey, this is a real great piece, adn i really liked it, it has a great meaning aand metaphors. its great how you compare yourself as a tree!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      It was great how you compared yourself to a tree and put so much detail into it. Something tells me a changed in you life occured to make you write this poem. Anyways, i thought it was good ad i agree with some others that the flow was off somplace, maybe toward the end. Besides that, Great Poem!
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome... I love you you describe yourself as a tree.. not being able to move and having roots buried under soil. Really cool. Your piece had a good flow and created good imagery. Just edit some of it to make sure it all has peoper grammar. (I only saw a couple of places that were messed up) Overall I thought it was a good piece!
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      The organization within each sentence was slightly confusing at times but the overall subject was very interesting. I liked it a lot. Almost makes you feel bad for the tree, everything it's missing being rooted to one spot.
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by little_theif | [ Reply to This ]
      Change is a reallyu hard thing to cope with, but jsut remember everybody takes teh same journey. I felt the flow was kind of off at some part, but aside from that it was a great poem:O)
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]



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