The Great Hunt by Mandolin

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Submission Name: The Great Hunt dots

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Author:	Mandolin
ASL Info:	10/15/89
Elite Ratio:	5.4 - 131/145/85
Words:	109

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	230
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	725

Description:
Thoughts...

[Edited}

The Great Hunt dots

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The song of living resounds of the dying,
repetition of prized lies and pride,
hungry lions,
and all is an alliance of eternity and endings.
Contradictions crease every corner;
death cries out as the echo of every birth,
as in every act of passion.
Life is most present when it’s almost broken;
living is the most thrilling quest
when the grail is hidden near danger,
near death.
The most searing life is the one soon extinguished,
struck down by the fearless and sure hunter,
beast who feels no thrill,
no pulse,
a beast of nothing but its hunger;
life is a feast,
if nothing but a fleeting leaping thing.

Submitted on 2007-10-29 17:23:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Contrary to Someones Epiphany, I believe that the thoughts are too clear, and the comparisons lack the substance and the thoroughness of your true mind. Your other works vouch for me. You are definitely capable of accessing the greater scheme of existence and belongings, unlocking the deeper notions of the inanimate...I would suggest working on this, or reflecting upon the mood in which you wrote this piece in. In my perspective, you come off as very unproductive, passive and overwhelmed; sensitive and possibly over-emotional and overexposed to the intimate surroundings, and not the messages the world contains. Try to convey those impulses in your work. If you are having a spell, then dedicate yourself to spontaneity.
| Posted on 2007-11-02 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
  thoughts;
in poetry i think that a pause is almost a given at the end of a line, a breath if you will. so for me the punctuation use where a break is already given was a bit distracting.
something about the form doesn't feel quite right here either. some of the lines run a bit to long;"repetition of prized lies and pride,hungry lions," for example.
maybe some experimentation with breaking things up would help.
overall nice thoughts and subject matter,
brought to mind extreme sports for whatever reason.
with a tweak here and there i think you have something.
1
| Posted on 2007-10-31 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]
  i think these thoughts could be expressed a little clearer. toward the end it doesnt hold my attention the way it does at the start. i think it could be in part due to the longer sentence at the end. it seems awkward with the rest of the short sentences/thoughts. i am not sure how that could be remedied though.

i enjoy your thought about death and life and their over lapping.
my half brother has been emailing me a lot lately and he will ask me some kind of "deep" question at the end of his emails and a couple of emails ago he asked me what i thought abut the line "death is a part of life" which sparked interesting conversation...

in some ways this piece seems to encompass a myriad of different "life after death" theories and philosophies... existentialist... reincarnation...

i like your thoughts a whole lot.

an aliance of eternity and endings... wow.
| Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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