Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I am Womandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 33/114/64
    Words: 412
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2918



    Description:
       Please read NEEDS COMMENTS


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI am Womandots
    -------------------------------------------


    i am woman
    and i am stone
    and i am beautiful
    my body
    is sleekly curved
    deeply eroded
    by your hands
    that have scraped away
    pieces of me
    that have sliced away
    my essences
    bled away
    by your razor sharp standards
    i am woman
    and my face
    is lovely
    the long planes
    of my lovely bones
    have been cleanly chisled
    by the knifing
    and searing
    cut
    of bitter tears
    they slide
    deep
    into the raw contours
    of my visage
    and create
    those erosions
    that have become my shape
    i am woman
    and my thighs
    are long
    and strong
    i have learned
    to run
    and to run hard
    and to straddle you
    the heaving stallion
    between them
    and my legs
    have grown long
    and powerful
    as i ride
    you to dust.
    i am woman
    and my hair is long and lustrous
    because
    when i am astride
    pierced by your bitter lance
    it falls
    like the ascending wing of night
    and you love
    to cloak your neck
    and your chest
    with it's warmth
    and you wear it
    as you wear the dusk
    to hide
    your blackened heart
    swept over by the blackened ashes of night
    you sweep my hair
    through your groping fingers
    as you sweep the night to your face
    to mask it
    just as you always have
    you...
    you shadow.
    i am woman
    and my lips
    are silky sweet
    like the fruit they plunged into
    the fruit
    that you despise
    as it
    poisoned you
    with sin
    and the earth was black
    with that blasphemy.
    and still
    you behold my lustrous smile
    and you taste of it
    swelled with sweet juices
    yet sheathing a rotten seed...
    i am woman
    and i smile
    because i have learned to snarl.
    i have learned to bite
    and tear
    the smile i wear
    is my lovely grimace
    my bitter warning
    take heed
    or
    my teeth
    will taste of your slick flesh
    and find it good
    flushing your skin with the very blood
    i bleed
    and tearing away flesh
    as it was torn from me.
    i am woman
    and my breast
    is heavy and succulent
    the weight upon your chest
    the smooth press
    sends you to the edge.
    my breast
    is a succulent weight
    of the burden i carry
    slung beneath my supple flesh
    you cradle the globular warmth of them
    because
    the abscence of your heart
    and the heaviness in mine
    fill the spaces in between
    quite nicely.
    i am woman.
    and for now
    that is enough.




    Submitted on 2007-10-30 11:22:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      strong. stanzas would be nice. i think that if you take out most of the ands, it would be stronger. nice write.
    | Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by master mind | [ Reply to This ]
      This is compelling. Strong. Strong as woman I suppose. I think it could do with formatting though - stanzas would be a good idea I think because the poem is long and eyes can wander. I think if you added line breaks it would give the reader an easier read and split your points, changes in theme/topic et cetera a chance to breathe. See what I mean?

    ~ Daisy x
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Drowning Daisy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151883

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry