Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: diamond dance on the water frontdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cannablisjunkie
    ASL Info:    22/Male/Indianapolis, IN
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 77/147/87
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 918



    Description:
       I would love any, and all feedback. Negative or positive. Bash me up if you'd like. I haven't been posting as much as I should!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdiamond dance on the water frontdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Amongst moon light,
    we stride side by side parallel with the ocean.
    Her hand in mine.

    Bold stars hide in the corners of her eyes
    like diamonds in a head on collision with day light.
    It's a warm night,
    and this salty air's temperature sits with us just right

    You know some compare us to poetry
    the way we both move together so supposedly.
    How we both act so knowingly of the mutually
    preceived bond we're both sharing thankfully.

    In script I had writ what it is about you
    that moves me into new feilds of just and cause.
    I wrote exactly how you sooth and caress my mood
    before turning black and blue.

    Now at a new found loss.
    My final decision is, with this tide I'll follow,
    forever more - forever more
    I guess we'll never know.




    Submitted on 2007-10-30 13:21:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was darn beautiful. I liked the head on collision line, that was lovely. Overall it left me sad... But I really liked the 3rd stanza. That one made me smile. I think the poem was good. I guess the only thing I could call you on would be that the 1st stanza had 3 lines and the rest had 4 which is odd. And I liked the 1st stanze least of all because it seemes oversimplified.But to tell you the truth the amount of lines per stanza and whatnot has never mattered to me. Its just something Id point out if I was peer editing in class or something.
    | Posted on 2007-11-02 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautiful...i really enjoyed the imagery you did a great job.
    | Posted on 2007-10-31 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...very beautiful words...great job...i'm really at a loss for words today....sorry...but really great job...i'm puting this on my favs...
    -Amber-
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by never_far_away | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151890

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry