Description: I would love any, and all feedback. Negative or positive. Bash me up if you'd like. I haven't been posting as much as I should!
diamond dance on the water front -------------------------------------------
Amongst moon light,
we stride side by side parallel with the ocean.
Her hand in mine.
Bold stars hide in the corners of her eyes
like diamonds in a head on collision with day light.
It's a warm night,
and this salty air's temperature sits with us just right
You know some compare us to poetry
the way we both move together so supposedly.
How we both act so knowingly of the mutually
preceived bond we're both sharing thankfully.
In script I had writ what it is about you
that moves me into new feilds of just and cause.
I wrote exactly how you sooth and caress my mood
before turning black and blue.
Now at a new found loss.
My final decision is, with this tide I'll follow,
forever more - forever more
I guess we'll never know.
It was darn beautiful. I liked the head on collision line, that was lovely. Overall it left me sad... But I really liked the 3rd stanza. That one made me smile. I think the poem was good. I guess the only thing I could call you on would be that the 1st stanza had 3 lines and the rest had 4 which is odd. And I liked the 1st stanze least of all because it seemes oversimplified.But to tell you the truth the amount of lines per stanza and whatnot has never mattered to me. Its just something Id point out if I was peer editing in class or something.
Submission Name: diamond dance on the water front
