Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Replacement Optionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    21/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 165/83/37
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1136



    Description:
       Well, I don't think it is my best work, but it has alot of truth in it. This is more about my thoughts like a diary entry than it was for poetry use, but apperantly I think in poetic form... I do think that it's a bit cliché, but it's hard for me to break out of this shell - simply because I am going through something quite cliché itself. Judge how you want, but hopefully in the end, somebody knows where my heart is lost.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReplacement Optionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking into the murkey waters of my own illusion,
    It's about time to shed some light on the shadows of my soul
    Swim out of the bitter cold.
    My denial only steals your smiles anyway.

    Maybe I could find someone else,
    Someone with your same brown eyes
    But will they be as warm?

    My own eyes could search for more,
    A pair of arms, similar to the ones in your name.
    But they won't be your arms,
    Because they just can't hold me right.

    These ears would settle for your words,
    To sing the sunshine back into the sky
    But the clouds would remain lonely,
    For it is not your voice.

    The beating in my chest is not my own anymore,
    It only knows your name.
    Crying for you in every rhythm,
    Existing only on the deminishing hope that you'll listen again.

    So in the end, it seems my denial is not denial at all.
    Instead, a coming-to-terms with on reality.
    The reality that there is only you left,
    My hearts only companion.





    Submitted on 2007-10-30 20:30:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I could feel the longing in this poem.
    It flowed perfect and each stanza was perfect!
    Great write!! Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-12-07 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It has a mind-at-work feel to it. I think normally I'd have an issue with it, but because of your description I'm thinking it was intended to sound this way.

    These ears would settle for your words,
    To sing the sunshine back into the sky
    But the clouds would remain lonely,
    For it is not your voice.

    that was my favorite stanza, definitely.

    It is a cliché subject, but I think when clichés are written well they can be forgiven, and this was pretty well-written. There are a couple of typos, but we all have those. whatever.

    So yeah, in summary, it wouldn't be a strong poem, but you stated that it's more like a poetic thought process diary sort of deal, so it works.

    kudos
    keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151911

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry