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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ear Spankingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Suven7
    ASL Info:    18 female Fla
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 477/259/47
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 91
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 937



    Description:
       Yah...um...don't ask.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEar Spankingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fancy knowing
    That he thinks you’re cruel.

    What perversion of the truth!
    When all you’ve been is
    Sweet
    And all you’ve said
    Was honey.

    You haven’t even seen each other
    For a month

    Or two.

    The thought just irks me.
    And, like the over-bitten
    Inside hollows of my cheek,
    I continue to nibble
    On what is left of our
    Two-minute conversation
    And fume…

    …And perhaps bask in the
    Afterglow. See how he thinks
    Of you?
    O’ what of his cruel assessment
    When his tongue was merely tied
    And could barely
    Coat the word ‘beautiful’ from his
    Harsh goodbye.
    O’ what of the fact that the word
    Was left out altogether?
    …………….Oh.
    Well, go on.
    Call him back. And
    Give him an ear spanking.




    Submitted on 2007-10-30 20:58:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'll have to agree with Venia on the splitting of the words. It was a bit distracting on a few, loosing intensity you built up.

    This was very well written and awesomely worded! It made me laugh a bit. Yes. Men do deserve their ear spankings....often.

    <3 Awesome write!
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I deserve an ear spanking every now and then, but my girlfriend prefers to pretend to ignore me. Or she tickles me. This was pretty funny and the title kinda catches your eye. Over all I enjoyed it, I do think you said O too much at the end. It was very well written and I enjoyed reading it. It catches the sweetness of relationships and is basically an excuse to call him back.

    Magic Dragon.
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by Magic Dragon | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha. Um. I'm sorry if it was me! (Once again trying to find that I'm in the poem). Analytically speaking, it has a very unique style about it. I'm not really sure the correlation between the first lines and the middle lines...it seems you have too different trains of thought. As with Lucy, I like the "nibbling" addition and the phrasing of the fifth stanza. It's just well worded? I'm lame...hahaha. I hear your voice most in the line "What perversion of the truth!" Haha. I can imagine you saying it nearly perfectly coupled with a kind shove :)

    I really like these short poems you've begun to write with more regularity. Love you!

    Andy
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by Olah89 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee hee.

    I can totally hear your voice in this one. It's nice to read something you've written that has 'you' written all over it... ;-) & I really adore the way you described what's going on here.

    this part caught my attention the most:
    "The thought just irks me.
    And, like the over-bitten
    Inside hollows of my cheek,
    I continue to nibble
    On what is left of our
    Two-minute conversation
    And fume…"

    I bite the insides of my cheeks ALL the time. and the last part? Brilliant.

    Ahhh! I really like this Suven!!!

    -Lucy
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      hm. amusing. In the immortal words of my mother

    "Men are pigs"

    and the majority of them deserve ear spankings, certainly.

    Overall I really liked this. It was forceful and made a clear point, and the ending made me smile. The only thing I didn't like was the way you split up your lines. Some of them are good, but some of them felt sort of choppy to me. Otherwise this was really nice.

    keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]



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