Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An Illusion in the Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 812



    Description:
       I don't know... Long distance relationships suck, but this is how I cope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Illusion in the Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Last night while I slept, you came to me,
    Before I could speak you were by my side.
    All of my prayers had finally come to be,
    The joy overwhelmed me and I began to cry.
    I touched your face as lips met eager lips,
    My mind finally embraced my sight.
    No longer plagued by the night's brutal tricks,
    Together our bodies devoured love's endless heights.
    Your fingers laced in mine as passion fueled your kiss,
    My soul drank all of you in.
    I imagined being able to spend forever like this,
    As quickly as it began, it came to an end.
    My eyes fluttered open, and yet you were gone,
    Moments ago, you seemed so real.
    New tears of sorrow streamed heavy and strong,
    With no one to fill the lonely void I feel.




    Submitted on 2007-10-30 22:42:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Thanks so much for your comments on all my poems! I'm very flattered that you enjoyed them all, and I'm glad that my suggestion to change "darker" to "darkness" worked out for you! Take care, and I hope to read more from you soon!
    ~Melissa~
    | Posted on 2007-12-31 00:00:00 | by black_beauty18 | [ Reply to This ]
      You were right! I did liked thos poem a lot!
    It was a very moving poem, filled with depth, emotion and hope.
    I liked the unexpected ending. I enjoy drems in poems.
    Long distance relationships are hard, but if you both love each other enough they can last and when you are finally together there'll be fireworks
    | Posted on 2007-12-30 00:00:00 | by rachel gless | [ Reply to This ]
      Filled with emotion and sadness. Great poem!
    Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyming in this is well done - not forced and subtle. The expression/emotions conveyed were well done, well written and very clear.

    I particularly liked the way you worked this into a dream. It moves as if one is in the dream - not an easy task. Very well done,
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151925

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Genesis written by saartha
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry